Humbleness

I don't understand people who think they have tried every concievable combination to a solution. First off depending on the complexity of the issue, people are generally wrong about this. You cannot try every combination or rather you did not try every combination when you flail your arms and say "I tried everything."

I had someone buzz in my ear that he tried everything about a rather complex problem. I then found several things this person missed all together.

Death

I have seen a lot of tragedy and I have seen a lot of people suffer through the loss of a loved one. I have been in and out of hospitals many times for other people and their hardships, whether it is sickness or death. This is why I can say I hate hospitals and the know nothing doctors in them. I call them "know nothings" because when you ask them a very important medical question they say "I don't know." They just show up to get paid. Every time they look at a patient's chart they get paid. Bastards.

My Office

I fixed my work space in my office so I could tinker with stuff again. I pulled a transformer out of an old power supply so I could see if it still worked... I learned a very special lesson, when working with AC powered anything, be very careful and work with a resettable fuse that has about 5A or less (application specific). So the transformer had a hard fault on it and made my breaker in my room pop. No big deal, so I clipped the wires on the transformer and now it is a paper weight.

I inspected a radio of mine; turns out the speaker went bad. I need a round 40 ohm 3 watt replacement speaker. I need to move on to my projects and get in to this stuff. All it took to make my room a little more inhabitable was to have a TV to keep me company in it. Much happier now.

Uncle

My Uncle died today. Off to the hospital now to watch people cry. I hate hospitals; I feel that I have been to the hospital too many times for too many tragedies.

The ironic part is they are all self inflicted. My uncle was not taking care of himself and died of a heart attack. Surprise surprise. Condolences to the family, but they saw it coming, they just didn't know when it would happen.

Their story is the same as mine. My father was an overweight, diabetic, high cholesterol, hyper tension asshole. He was always in a bad mood, hated his life and pretty much gave up on living. He had a heart attack, and then a year later he had a stroke that killed him. Two weeks earlier he disowned me because I didn't believe in god. Good guy... anyhow, glad he is dead. Living with him was living with a tyrannical dictator.

My uncle's story was he lived past his professional usefulness so he couldn't find a damn job. He was unemployed 75% of the time. His wife is a fucking lunatic, who somehow is a psychologist and doesn't have a job either? The kids are taking the brunt of their crap and now are left with no income, a bat shit crazy mother and two mortgages.

Life is good.

Happy fucking holidays.

Wow

So i drew for the first time in over a year. It was just as enjoyable as I remember it being. I don't know why I stopped really. It has a lot to do with the general mood I am in. I sometimes would have no motivation to do so.

It got me thinking, I have some ideas I think are very good and I want to try them out for t-shirts, but i don't know how to do it.

Overwhelmed

There are not enough hours in the day. The irony though is if each day was 48 hours I am pretty sure I still wouldn't have enough time to do everything I wanted to do.

I am busting my ass on weekends with random things here and there... I just wish I could stop time for a bit. I want the time to relax and do side work and research. I won't be very happy until then.

Sick^2

I have allergies that flare up and prevent me from breathing on a regular basis. When I get sick, it is double duty damage. I already can't breathe, then with the cold or whatever sickness I can breathe even less. Not to mention when I start to choke on sputum or phlegm, I can't breathe through my nostrils, so I am semi suffocating. It is very unpleasant and somewhat scary. To top it all off, my hearing is no good right now due to sickness.

This is a very good example of how stupid the human body is. Allergies being the starting point and being sick the secondary point.

Session State

All I have to say about this is I am intrigued. We are experimenting by putting the session state into sql server, so far it is painless and interesting. I checked out the session tables and I have no idea what it is doing. I want to learn more about this.

Judas

I got sick last week sometime around 12/6/10 or so. I have not been very well since then. At work we are migrating from mySQL to SQL Server thankfully. Just for the record, I don't think mySQL is horrible, but SQL Server is better if you have a larger application that has a lot of data and requires reporting. Easy to work with and it is part of the MS family of products so integration is simple. We are also converting a lot of our shitty hard coded reports to SSRS.

Anyhow we are testing the application and we involved some of our users. They so far are surprised that there are bugs, I don't understand why and my boss is also surprised... because he is a no nothing idiot. If he ever developed a goddamn thing in his life he would know that when you convert an application's backend from on flavor of SQL to another, you will have issues. It is irresponsible to think otherwise. So the users complained to their boss instead and my boss is behind them 100%.

He is a fucking Judas mother fucker.

Unfortunately, my lead developer doesn't have balls and takes shit from my boss when he shouldn't. My boss is ruining us.

Wording

I hate it when someone can criticize someone else's wording, but they can't seem to help either. I work too fucking hard with some of these asshole clients directly on consistent issues. I am the come to guy for some of these problems. I am pissed off that I can be criticized for telling them the truth in a certain phrasing.

I simply said:

I need everyone to be happy with a common solution.

I was told that sentence is too harsh. Admittedly I should have said we, but since I am the person always dealing with this shit I said "I".

Other than that, I don't see the fucking problem. Stop being overly sensitive.

Fix the Obvious!

One inherent flaw of larger companies is the misguided concept that you have to make due with what you have. I disagree terribly. This is company executives being a bunch a bunch of punk ass pricks. They can always find it in their hearts to give each other raises, but they can't seem to listen to the small guys that drive their fucking business to make shit work.

I am tired of fighting with my stupid ass no nothing, out of date, manager. The guy is a bullshit artist and he is slimy too. It is very upsetting and unsettling to work under him. I have no trust for this jack hole. We have some major programmatic issues that need to be solved, yet he doesn't listen and he doesn't prioritize.

We own the companies we make the software for, but he wants us to treat them as customers. I would treat them as customers if they didn't behave like children and I didn't have to work directly with the user on issues. We don't have a call center, the two mooks we refer to as support are totally useless and know shit about our technologies.

I am tired of this working situation where the idiots drive the way we do things. Then they take the credit they didn't earn when things go well and they deal out blame for when things go wrong. Plain and simple this is backwards, just like in government...

I hate people... greedy at heart, like a cancer.

Priorities

One ounce of good news, my blower motor works again? I don't know how to be perfectly honest. I am confused.

I need to re prioritize what is going on in my life currently. As always money is issue number one. I need to put heavy emphasis on my diet and exercises most of all. I need to find time to relax and find time to work too. This is going to be tough.

Things are not going well with the house hunt. One word down payment. I hate this stupid ass process for down payments and closing costs. Shit is crazy right now. Foreclosures and short sales fuck us over because they hardly negotiate and the closing costs and home inspections are out of pocket expenses.

Fuck this shit.

My Trivial Complaint of the Day

Why the fuck is it that in certain bathroom stalls there is a fucking piece of shit toilet paper dispenser that has an empty cardboard tube on it, then directly above it there is a metal cage hiding the other roll of paper that is impossible to get out and use. What the fuck.

I want us to have the goddamn three sea shells already!

Cluster Fuck

I have too much going on at the same time and too much demand for my time simultaneously. It is annoying and stressful, I wish I could get off of this roller coaster of work and tasks. The thing I wish would stop happening the most is the unexpected bills.

I am tired of having to pay for things I didn't want to pay for. My latest unexpected bill waiting to happen is the AC Blower Motor in my car ceased to function. I can't seem to figure it out and it is very upsetting. I didn't do anything for this to happen. So I am livid about it and I have a bad feeling it is going to cost me an arm and a leg to repair. I expect to pay at most 400 dollars.

I (this is my own fault) bought Iron Maiden tickets months in advance on purpose so I could get good seats and a good price. I paid close to 200 dollars for two people including parking costs. We have box seats.

I am anticipating that I need to pay for part of a plane ticket for someone at one point. Again not happy about this. It will be at most 400 dollars.

I am hoping that my fiance will get a raise at one point and be the person bringing in a fantastic amount of money. Not that my financial woes will be over but at least I have a much larger cushion.

I am going to be over worked these next few weeks... it will not be pleasant.

Hardware

So I was asked again to work on a piece of hardware for someone and as much as I want to it would be rather difficult to do, however this person is right, I should try to work on this item because it is a great idea, but I am afraid to do so because electronics make me uneasy.

Ironic huh, I am a EE and CE and I am afraid of working with electronics because honestly I am not always 100% sure of what I am doing and that makes me very uncomfortable. I wish I had more confidence in the area. Especially since it could be potentially expensive to make mistakes or screw up. Specifically with test hardware. I do not wish to damage my test hardware.

I am going to continue to sit down and figure out my problems here. I need to learn and relearn everything I didn't learn through trial and error.

I think I am going to start with a basic fucking radio and see where it takes me. A CLR circuit or an RC circuit, which ever gets me to my goal.

NY and its Realty Can Suck It

First and foremost I want to say up front; I hate Florida before people think this is an all out attack on NY and its dwellers (only the subset that no one likes y'know the obscenely rich). Having been to NY 3 times (not that - that is a lot) here is what I have gathered, it is an over glorified big overpopulated dirty city. It smells and there are too many people running amok. I don't like that, which is a personal preference.

The rich mother fuckers that live in certain burros can kiss my hairy ass when it comes to realty though. I understand that finding a place to live there is difficult and expensive. Well that is all fine and well if you live in NY, I don't live there, so I don't care... until recently. Some asshole from NY bought a house that I was going to buy for sticker price, which is stupid because the fucker over paid grossly. Thanks asshole for making it okay for shit head down here to over price their fucking houses. That shit is not okay here because we get paid less, have to pay for gas and car insurance. The asshole is renting the house too, not even living in it.

I swear when I get rich, I am going to ruin NY's housing by buying out all of the overly priced stupid ass houses and such and rent them out for shit. Fuck you 1,000,000 dollar small piece of shit studio apartments, I will buy that shit up and rent it out for 500/month. I will put Florida pricing in NY.

Suck it NY.

Big dirty city with posers.

Religion != Race

Religion is not a race. I don't want to hear people refer to there race as being "Jewish." I could care less what the dictionary defines race as because it is wrong. The dictionary is wrong because it has fallacy directly in the definition:

Race - noun - A group of persons related by common descent or heredity.

So as you can see Judaism falls under the race definition, but hey guess what! There are two problems here:

1. Race overlap

2. Converting from one race to another race is physically impossible.

1. Race overlap is what I am referring to as when someone is race A physically and then they say they are Jewish, which would be race B. This is not possible. You can only physically be race A or B not both. A XOR B, not A OR B.

2. Converting from race A to race B is physically impossible. You can indeed switch religions, you cannot stop being a race. That is a physical thing, not a made up idea. So when someone can figure out how to convert me from what I am, to Japanese, let me know...

I really don't think you can argue with me here. I am right about this. This falls under the category of "Say what you mean." Don't just imply stuff.

Money

If I had a ridiculous sum of money, i would pay for my mother's family to come to the states. I would help the families without jobs right now. I would buy the island of Haiti and set things straight.

I would get my fiance a brand new car of her choice. I would help people that were down on their luck. I would love to give people who need cars, fixed up used cars to get from point A to point B.

I would try to fix small problems in society and in my immediate surroundings. I would lobby the state government to split Florida in two to balance things out.

I would lobby federal government to split the us in two so we can end the class war fare and all that bs.

I Feel Like Shit

I feel like absolute shit right now, but I don't mean physically, I mean mentally. There are days where I feel good and then then there are days where I feel morbidly depressed and I start to have these damn haunting thoughts all over again. Anything triggers them because my mind automatically associates my unhappy experiences with objects and other thoughts. Most of my unhappy experiences are bouts of embarrassment. The same way I felt while it was happening is the same way I feel when i think about it, so it is like reliving the experience.

The problem I have is that not only do I relive the experience, but all of my thoughts haunt me in a serial nature. One after another they batter me, like a dog pile, like a crowd of mean children singling out a single person and taunting him mercilessly. So i have a big fucking problem, but i am not sure how to fix it. I am mentally unwell and i think i need help.

I am afraid to go to a psychologist because of the expense and the idea that they will give me drugs.