Cracking Up

I have been having a hard time lately. Having a hard time focusing on work, on working out, on a lot of things... I am tired. Mostly mentally and a little emotionally. I wish I had the money to drop on going to a therapist right now, but I honestly don't. I want to save my money right now, I am very concerned about unexpected costs attached to this wedding. I would like to stop the spending roller coaster right now, but until this year is through there isn't much end in sight.

I am pretty depressed right now because I am going through another bout of depression. I knew it was going to happen, just wasn't sure when. Well it is here and it isn't welcome here, but like an unwanted guest I will have to make due until it leaves.

I would really like to get diagnosed for dysthysmia and dyslexia. Not that they are the same, but I need both diagnosed.

I am in a particularly bad mood too as of late, undoubtedly brought on by my depression. I am just upset with everyone as a whole. Nothing anyone did to me, I am just in a bad mood because I am depressed and I feel shitty. I feel guilty for not going to the gym too, but I am not sure how to handle my not going to the gym right now. I don't want to get fat, but I also don't want to go. It is because I have a lack of will to do so.

Running Ragged

I need a break soon. I have been busting my ass lately time wise, I am becoming very tired with all of the back and forth. I am glad that I have gotten myself organized and my new work place worked to my advantage, but I need a break.

I seriously need a month off, a full 4 weeks.

The first week I would just relax. I would do nothing and I would just game, watch movies and shows, eat, sleep and fuck.

The second week I would try to get some real work done with my personal projects. I have two projects I give a shit about and I want to see them through to the end.

The third and fourth weeks would be more of the same of the second week, but I would try to relax when I could.

I am making very good pay right now, but I never realized how high taxes are at my pay grade. The taxes take a huge dent out of your savings and spending ability. It sucks, but I am a strong believer in giving back, especially when you can.

My only goals are to become rich and to live comfortably in retirement. If I can only achieve one, it is to live comfortably in retirement.

I have two incredible investment options right now, one is through my work place. It is a hedge fund after all and the returns they are seeing per year are massive! These guys know how to hedge their bets big time. The only problem is it will take 10K minimum for me to get started.

The next incredible investment is something I will be more vague about. Let's just say it is a loan business where you can't lose. You make a loan and if they don't pay you keep the asset they were trying to pay for anyhow. It really is a win win for the investor. I would get a monthly check which I could keep or reinvest. Same problem though, it would be about 10K.

I just need to make and save enough money to do both because I think both are worth while. If I win the lottery, which is a pipe dream, I will take a huge chunk of the winnings and invest it with this hedge fund. Fuck it, I need to do what is good for me, so if I contradicted myself now, this is me saying, yes, yes I did.

I have adopted the attitude that if I want live comfortably, I can try my best to strike it rich, but I need to take it easy too. I have been working too hard for the last 10 years. Since I got out of high school, I went straight to college, I went every semester including summer sessions then I got a job. It has been non stop movement since senior year of high school.

So fuck you people who had mom and dad pay for their schooling. Then when they graduated they took a year off before getting a job to go visit fucking peru or some shit for a year. Fuck y'all. I am saying that because I am jealous - wish I could have been that person.

More Blather

I like my job, I am just afraid to lose it. I have been slacking off in the morning quite a considerate amount and I feel guilty doing it, it's just that I have been having a very hard time focusing or getting ready to work.

It isn't usually until after 13:00 where I can get any real work done. Really it comes down to crunch time or push comes to shove. When push comes to shove I am busting my ass, which is why I am or should be rewarded accordingly. I do work hard and I get everything done, I just don't do it on some sort of pre-defined schedule. It is all comfort for me. When I feel ready then I do it.

I have been pretty tired lately and I am afraid of my medical future.

I am not necessarily afraid of dying, I am afraid of dying for poor reasons. If I pass on right now, shit will suck for a lot of people. They can cash in on my 100K life insurance policy, but I am sure it is going to throw a bunch of shit out of whack.

Anyhow, I am going in for minor surgery and I am not thrilled about it.

I just don't want anymore health related bad news. I hate knowing that my contracting cancer has such a high probability. I am not happy about it. I am still trying to decide if I would bother with getting treatment if I were to have a serious case of cancer. I could go breaking bad and make a fortune in meth sales before I die, but where would I find a junky partner to help me? I guess that is a no go.

If I had some incurable form of cancer, I wouldn't bother trying to fight it. I would just put all my money in some good investments for my mother and wife and that would be that. Then I would continue working until I died.

Post

This is just a blather post. When I feel good or bad about anything I like to just think about my future.

After having my wedding at the end of this year, I am going to buckle down and get super serious about paying off my student loans. I have it all worked out, the plan of attack is to:

1. Pay off my federal loan first in two parts. First paying the subsidized loan down then...
2. Pay off the unsubsidized loan...
3. Take my monthly federal loan payment money and send it over to my provate loan.
4. Pay down the federal loan

I have six 5,000 dollar payments left for both loans to be paid off and I am not including my monthly payments in that figure. The monthly is just an added benefit.

I will feel free after paying down these loans. Then the money I have will truely be mine. I will worry less about paying off debts. I might even consider paying off my Lease in full so I don't have to worry about it.

There is only one small tiny dillema, my wife and I are going to try to buy a place to live. This eats up money badly because of inspections, down payments, fees and other crap that comes with the territory of wanting to own property. I am not incredibly excited about this venture because it might prevent me from paying down my student loans for another year. I just need to make sure I have enough money on hand for the occasion. I would much, much, much rather just save my money, but being a renter has its negatives.

My landlord is an idiot and is deep in debt. She made the fatal mistake of buying into this property when it was at its peak selling point which was a huge mistake. The greed of people is fucking amazing. They buy properties and then think they are special enough that someone else will pay them twice what they paid at an even more inflated price. WTF are people thinking? The nerve of people, it just makes me upset that they think it is okay.

Cat and Mouse

I think speed limits are bullshit. I think traffic cops giving people tickets for speeding is bullshit too. I did just get a ticket for speeding and I am not upset about it. I was caught doing it, it is a violation, I am going to pay my shitty fine for doing it. I am a firm believer that the rules were meant to be broken and it isn't illegal unless you are caught doing it. That beliefe is only for petty bullshit crimes. Molesting children, raping people, murder and theft are a different story. That shit is not okay. Unless you are stealing from the rich and giving to the poor.

Anyhow, I digress. I am not disputing the fact that I broke the law, I deserve the ticket because I got caught. However, I've said it before and I will say it again, I will never stop speeding, regardless of how many fucking speeding tickets I get. What I am upset about is the fact that this is some sort of bullshit rule to be concerned with. I didn't kill anyone. I didn't get into an accident. I was driving on an open stretch of uninhabited road with no one in front of me. The road was clear. I was doing 48 in a 30. It shouldn't be fucking 30, it should be 45 first off because it is 3 lanes wide and more like a fucking highway than a local road.

I didn't even see the cops, the fat fuckers standing there next to their cruisers with their goddamn radar gun pointed at unsuspecting drivers. I was in the far left lane and the pig got me at 48mph. The thing that really scares me is when these assholes walk out in front of your car to stop you and you don't see them. They are bold and dangerous.

I would have loved to hit them with my car if it would have been inconsequential, but unfortunately it isn't. Another thing I wish I could do is get stopped, let the fucking porker walk over to my car and speed away. Let them try to chase me, especially in suburbia, they would easily get lost or into a car accident trying to chase me. Fucking dipshit cock sucking assholes.

Luckily the cop that pulled me over was nice to me. I still got my shitty ticket, but he wasn't a prick like other piggies have been in the past. So thank you to that officer for being so polite and nearly apologetic. I think he could see that I was actually sorry. I will admit the only thing I am sorry about is getting caught.

My minimum speed is 60 mph most of the time because it is a comfortable speed to drive at. Not too fast, not too slow. However what people don't understand is there is a time and a place for speeding. I don't make an effort to speed, I only do it when the conditions are right.

In conclusion, I think these traffic cops should go get a real job stopping actual real crime. Not just giving people who are driving to and from work more fucking bills.

Status

I haven't made a post in a while, so I figure I would write a status post. I have been absurdly busy as of late with a shit ton of things.

First and foremost, my health. I went in for a stress test and I am fine. The cardiologist gave me a pass to go see the gastro, so that the gastro could shove a scope up my ass and now I find out down my mouth as well. Oh yay...

Now for the bad news. Aetna, my lovely health insurance does not cover this procedure unless you are 50, therefore I am required to pay a deductable of $1,500. This sucks big time.

The good news is I have insurance.
The best news is my crappy insurance is 100% payed for by my employer. I have never had such an amazing thing before. I will still complain about it, but I am very thankful that my employer pays for it fully.

Other Developments
I went to a plastic surgeon to talk to him about non-cosmetic rhinoplasty to get my nose corrected so I can actually fucking breath for once in my goddamn life. He said I was a candidate for surgery because he could see how bad I am.

Stellar OMG News
I apparently have been making 75K and I didn't know it at all. Even better I got a 10K bonus (about 7K after 30% tax rate) and I am getting a raise in salary to 79K. My employer is very happy with my work and they don't want me to leave. Therefore as an employer should do they super sweetened the deal and gave me a reward. Fuck my last employer, I don't want to go back and now I am 100% happy with my choice of leaving 7 months ago.

My old employer
One of the last knowledeable people on my team from my old job has quit and found a new job. My idiot manager is destitute and very worried. Fuck him. Loving the fact that it is crumbling.

Some-what Crappy News
I got another speeding ticket. This time I deserved it because I was indeed speeding. However what I find eerie is the fact that I got my first ticket back in July 13th 2011 for 17 mph over the limit and I got this ticket on July 09th 2012 for 18 mph. That is essentially a year apart for almost the same speed.

That is fucking conspiracy worthy.

Lastly
The money I made selling my car went right back from my pocket and into the yacht charter for my wedding. Easy come, easy go. So sad. Then I got my bonus which is only 1K off from what I paid the charter.

I bought my mom a TV for her birthday.

I need to buy two more expensive items and I will be finished with big expenses for a very long time. I will make my new big expenses paying down my student debt. I want to buy a radar detector and a new dual band hand held radio.

Homeland Security

I recently looked at a map of the world and it reminded me of why the United States of America is a super power. We are not to be taken lightly on a wordly scale, we will kill you. Now that being said, I have come to a new conclusion about a problem I have been having with the way our economy has been working. We are New-Rome. I am obviously not the first to have said this, but I think I am taking this from a different angle.

Our economic system is ridiculous. Without getting into intimate detail I will say that our economic system is ridiculous because we base a lot of it on China and other foreign countries. We ask China to do the grunt work for nothing money, as we stand by not thinking twice consuming their goods. Every American is guilty of this. Therefore my big conclusion is not that our economy is ridiculous and unsustainable or that we are New-Rome due for a collapse, but that Americans are bad people. At least on the East Coast. I feel guilty buying things at great low prices knowing that money is really funding corporations that are funding Chinese factories when that money could be helping people here.

Now I am not going skitzoid, I love my country, fuck you I am American through and through, but I can't help to feel just a little curious about how long all of this will last. I don't mean recession wise, I mean how the US is untouched by major disaster and problems in comparison to other countries. I am not going to feel bad for being successful and doing whatever I need to be well off, but I feel that our country is full of people who just want to self-indulge. Again, at least on the east coast.

I love going to Aventura mall, not to shop, but to watch the show. The show of all of these gaudy, flaunty and selfish people parading around with shopping bags as if it is some sort of competition as to who can be the most show-offy. I don't like or really trust people at first glance who dress like boat riding assholes.

Offshoring or Outsourcing

You take your pick of the fucking word you want to use to describe this. It doesn't matter because it always comes back to the same thing, an American is losing their job to someone else outside the country. This is a shit strategy and it isn't helping anyone. Often times offshoring jobs is actually a losing strategy because the people receiving the job don't do it well out of spite or they don't have a fucking clue as to what they are doing so it is done wrong or poorly.

I have heard the goddamn arguments for shipping developers' jobs to India too many times.

It usually sounds like: "For the price of one developer here I can get 2 or 3 Indian developers."

I always respond with: "Yeah and you will have two pay twice because you will have to pay for them to do the job wrong and then pay for someone to fix their shitty code."

I have decided that it makes more sense to offshore the jobs of CEOs because using the same asinie logic we can get a billion indian CEOs for the price of 1 American CEO.

It should be illegal to offshore our goddamn jobs, that way we can get our economy back on track. Fucking assholes running the big corporations in this country only care about their fucking wallets. If the middle class ever collapses, there will be civil war. We will fucking kill the Aristocrats of America for vengence.

I think I want to move away from Florida at one point, just to GTFO. I am so fucking tired of idiots running this state. It is painfully obvious that Florida needs to be broken up into North and South Florida. The North is ruled by biggoted white republicans, where as the South is ruled by a mixture of people who lean more towards Democratic ideals. The fucking idiotic republican Cubans down here can go back to Cuba for all I care.

I am now registered as nothing, I belong to a political party because both parties suck. I am a true Democrat, which is not what you see in our government today. Blue dog democrats are fucking republicans, so they don't count. I think our Government needs a party cleansing, this bicameral shit isn't working obviously. Then maybe we can regain our senses and think twice about outsourcing crucial American jobs.

There is a storm coming and that storm is a shit storm that is right in front of us. It is called CHINA'S ECONOMY. Just like there are housing bubbles, there are other types of economic bubbles. China is artificially controlling the power of their currency so everyone outside of China can get their shitty pieces of molded plastic at a lower price.

Think what you want, but it is approaching. How do you stop this kind of problem? The whole world is in trouble...

Health Insurance

I have Aetna POS health insurance which you would think really stands for Aetna Piece of Shit health insurance, but it stands for Aetna Point of Service. It is basically a HMO in disguise, the only real difference is that you can go to any doctor you want without a referral from your primary. So aside from my heart problems, which apparently aren't as bad as I thought anymore. I have Bradycardia and my heart stops in my sleep every now and then. Aetna cock blocked me for a Sleep Study because they are assholes, their criteria I kid you not is that I must be near death.


Anyhow, the fine people at Aetna have just fucked me out of $1,500 because I need to go get a Colonoscopy and a Upper GI Endoscopy done. Neither are covered for me unless I am 50 years of age or older. Therefore I must pay my out of pocket deductible. I have the money to pay for this, I can regenerate this loss in 1 month's time, but that isn't the fucking point. I don't think it is fair that I must be penalized for the stomach problems that I am having before 50. I don't know what kind of problem I am having with my stomach, but I am doing this procedure because I have blood in my stool, the stupid part is the blood isn't even visible. No streaking or anything, it isn't visible. Apparently this is worse. I am doing preventative maintenance, but apparently that is a no no for insurance companies.


So I am going to take this opportunity to fuck my insurance company by doing as many fucking procedures as I can after this procedure. I am going to a Dermatologist and besides the co-pay, it should all be 100% covered after this. I will go to an Allergist to get a food Allergy test done.

ATM Banking

She was taking too long... Inspired this post.

I don't understand people who think it is okay to do 50,000 different transactions at an ATM while they know someone is waiting behind them. For this reason I have taken this picture of said person who took about 8-10 minutes of her sweet time to perform a deposit, a withdrawal and a wicked game of angry birds all on the fucking bank ATM while I was waiting.

 Not even a fucking courtesy gesture to me of: "Hey, buddy, I need to do a billion transactions here at this ATM because I don't know what the internet is yet. That being the case would you like to go first?" She didn't do that, therefore she will me immortalized on my blog forever. Congrats, I hate you just for this. Otherwise, I thought she was pretty fine looking.

I mean seriously man, I only needed to deposit some fucking money! Everything else other than deposits and withdrawals I do online because I am a hermit and I hate people. I don't like leaving the safetey of the internet where I can troll people anonymously all day. Actually I don't do any of that normally. I do bitch though :-D

Concerts, Events and Seating

When I go to certain events, I like getting specific types of seating. For example, when I go to a rock concert, I want to be as close to the front as I can go. When I went to my first Iron Maiden concert I realized this when I was in the nose bleed section. The band looked like ants on stage, it sucked. When I went to see NIN, I got decent seats because I couldn't afford anything better. Unfortunately the assholes down in front stood up the whole time which made it impossible to stay seated. No matter how much people yelled at them to sit, they just danced around in their stupid airheaded blonde fashion. I told myself next time I would upgrade so that wouldn't happen again. I went to a Anthrax, Megadeth and Slayer concert. Got Awesome seats. Well worth the money, still had to stand unfortunately because people suck. The theater was out doors not much we could do about that. Went to Iron Maiden again, got better seats this time. Unfortunately not good enough, idiots still standing the entire duration of the concert. Additionally some asshole poured beer on me from the level above me. Called security on them, but still ruined my experience. My point is, I am trying to get box seats so I can stay the fuck away from people. If it isn't box, then it sucks. I hate having to deal with the inconsideration of others. I don't care what kind of concert it is, if I am not on the floor, then I don't want to deal with juvenile behavior especially if my tickets cost me 300+ dollars. I am going to see Louie CK live in November. I tried explaining to my friend that box seats are better especially since they are the same price as all seats in this particular scenario. He didn't get it. I explained to him 3 times why trying to get all of our seats together wasn't worth it because we would be giving up box seats in order to do so. He insisted we sit together, so now we have shitty seats in the back. Since it is not a rock concert I didn't fight with him. If it was I would have bought box for me and told him to figure it out.