Weeds

I just finished the last season of weeds and I have to say this is one of the best TV shows I have ever watched. I loved the show, very addicting. Sometimes I had to take breaks in between seasons or episodes because it got repetetive, but the season finale episodes always pulled me back in.

Spoiler Alert:
I like how the progression of the show happened. I love how Nancy Botwin went from being this mother you felt really bad for to this mega walking fuck up. The last episode was a perfect wrap up of the series because I think the people who ran the show realized this series could really go on forever, but they also wanted to end it gracefully. That is my opinion, not fact. They should have made the last episode an hour long though to make it more like a movie. I was worried when I started watching the last episode because at that point I didn't know if they were going to just end it without an explanation or if they would finish it gracefully.

Either way, one of the best series ever.

The Rat Race

I would like to make at least one of my ideas come into fruition. I think I will make it happen too because I am finally organizing myself both financially but living too. I want to do well now. I am going to organize myself more by creating a project plan and forcing myself to meet deliverables. I will schedule time for myself to get things done so I know ahead of time what to expect and so that nothing else will get in my way.

I have a good feeling about this stuff. I just need to make it happen.

Big Corporate Culture

I have been in big corporate offices and unless it is structured well, I would never want to be in one ever again. I have seen some of the strange things that occur there, one of which being the unskilled idiot worker. The unskilled idiot worker is a person that says they can do a job, but are missing all of the qualifications to do said job and then get upset when they are questioned about their poor performance. I have seen this type of person more than once and what I have learned is this type of worker will not make it far in a smaller company. They usually try to lay low and get close to nothing done, if anything at all and eventually are laid off or fired due to a lack of performance.

They can't make it in a smaller company because they are not used to working hard. They are used to coasting and doing maybe an hours worth of work then pissing the rest of the day away looking at facebook or some other equally as brainless activity. When this type of person is asked to do multiple things, they say it isn't their job to do multiple things just one thing. The reason is because idiot unskilled worker is used to doing a single task and only that single task in a large company for a lot of money sometimes. In smaller companies it is the exact opposite, you work harder and do more but get paid way less sometimes. The good news is you can take your skills with you. You look better on paper than the idiot unskilled worker who probably lies about his qualifications through and through.

I have met stupid people who have certifications, I have no certs, but I know more than them. Certs mean shit. Just like people with an MBA, anyone can get one, it doesn't mean you know much of anything about business. Business is bullshit, doesn't mean you are a qualified leader.

This type of person would not suffer so much if they tried harder, but unfortunately they want to coast. I hate this type of person. No willingness to learn or do better and they demand to be paid well on top of that. It's disgusting.

Reocurring Thoughts

I often think about a lot of the same things repeatedly. Even as a kid I would worry about stuff I had no control over. I think that is what helped me become a critical thinker. I always knew I learned, discovered or came to a complete understanding of something when I had that one moment of clarity when my eyes would grow wide and a feeling of euphoria swept over me. Or my brain would hurt, not in a bad way, but in a "I need time to process this" kind of way.

I have adopted a subconscious level of timing and problem solving which is what I think makes me a superior person at times. Not that I am flawless, but it makes me unique. I literally solve problems in my sleep. When I am overly concerned with something or anxious I can't sleep, I sometimes become depressed. I remember once as a kid I stayed awake for 2 days straight just worrying about what was going to happen in the future. What am I going to grow up as? Who am I going to be? Will I be happy?

I constantly think about death. I worry about my mother or my wife dying well before their time. If my wife dies I would probably seriously contemplate suicide. She keeps my feet on the ground and I swear if it wasn't for her I would be dead already. I love her more than I love myself. I live because I want to make her happy and I hope to grow old with her until I die first.

I worry about my own death, but that is why I own a life insurance policy. I am specifically concerned about getting cancer, which I have a wonderfully high risk of getting because my father's genes suck. I am not really worried about much of anything else with respect to dying except that I will one day die. When I die where will my consciousness go? I have the feeling that I will come back. I try very hard not to think about this stuff so I tend to occupy my mind with work and other in the moment things.

I am very numb and depressed right now because my memories have been attacking me again. I have these really bad memories that I can't get rid of because they are attached to other things that make me remember them.

Every time I see a specific Chipotle I have a bad memory attack me where I went to said Chipotle and was trying to make two orders after a very long work day. The skinny punk ass douche kid behind the counter was fucking up my order so I did the unmentionable and put my hand over the glass and pointed at the things I wanted. He then embarassed me, my own partial fault, by saying loudly "You are not allowed to put your hands over the glass!" I scowled at him, but said nothing because I was very hungry and tired.

Every time I see a specific Ale House table, I am reminded of the time that I over reacted to something very loudly on purpose and basically caused a big stupid scene which was embarassing for me and for the people I was with.

Those are the two memories that keep attacking me. No matter how I rationalize it, I can't stop the memories from being bad ones or having them depress me. It is like having a mean bully taunt you, but you can't do anything to stop them except wait it out like a migrane. I wince and even kind of cough every time the memory strikes. All I have to do is see something like beer and it makes me think of an Ale House table and what happened there. If I think of food, like a bell pepper, I think of burritos, then Chipotle and that asshole kid yelling at me.

Sometimes nothing bothers me and I am fine. However when I am like this, I lose all motivation and I am just depressed. Then I can't sleep and I have no one to talk to, which is why I blog. I blog my thoughts so they can get out and I don't have to keep them in or tell them to someone who will judge me. I do this for me, not for anyone else.

Times like this I can't help but think about dying... its not rational, but the fact remains I think about killing myself because being depressed for extended periods of time for stupid reasons is sometimes unbearable. Then it passes and I feel okay again. I just wish I was rich so shit like this wouldn't matter and I could speak to a shrink. I don't really believe in shrinks, I think they are not very qualified in determining what is wrong with someone when they themselves are very flawed too. People become shrinks because they are tring to figure out their own shit or they are crazy. What real sense does it make to go to an unstable person and unload my problems on them? I am unfortunately at a point where I think I need to speak to one though because my depressive stages are becoming more and more depressive...

I just want my every day problems to just go the fuck away and those problems are all solved with money. That is why I stress for money all of the time. Every problem is solved or made better with money. You can't buy certain things with it out right, but it sure fucking helps.

Dunkin Donuts

I love Dunkin Donuts. I hate Krispy Cream. I love DD because their doughnuts are less greasy to me. I only eat old fashion doughnuts because I can't deal with the sugar on the other types of doughnuts, they make me feel queezy. My favourite coffee is their Cafe con Leche or Latte. Their regular coffee is damn good too.

They have this DD Rewards program and I signed up right away. I thought I could get a DD rewards card to put on my key ring, but it doesn't work like that. At first I was pissed off about that, then after thinking about it off and on I realized this was inconvenient, but brilliant at the same time.

The company is actually saving themselves losses by making you purchase a rechargeable DD card. The offer is you save 10% with the card, the catch is you need a card that will hold 2-100 dollars. This is a good move on their part because the 10% only applies with a prepaid card. This prevents customers from sharing their discount with others. So not only did you just give them 2-100 dollars in advance, you will only use your discount for you, there is an exclusivity with it. Other people will buy in too.

Next month I will be getting said card because it makes financial sense. I will put like $50 on it because when I go I usually spend anywhere between 12 to 40 dollars. I buy a box of joe, 2 dozen doughnuts, 1 Cafe con Leche and a breakfast sandwich of sorts. I do this for my job place because it is necessary at times, coffee run for late night coding etc...

Yes I just wrote a post about DD, no I don't work for them or get a commission, I just love DD. It's not even an American company which is amusing because I usually try to go American all the way.

I hate Starbucks, their coffee tastes like burnt shit usually. I will have a Latte there when I am desperate.

Knowledge Transfer

Companies should learn that an employee's experiences aren't something that can just be given to someone else on a platter or in paper form. I just spent over an hour trying to explain the complexities of just one aspect of my job to two other people. I think they just absorbed a 1/4 of what I just showed them. This is not their fault, it is just difficuilt to understand what someone has done over 3 years into an hour or so.

I think this is comical and will ultimately hurt them because the one person who was tasked with so much has just left and a knowledge gap remains in his stead. This is the doing of poor management and decision making.

All that aside, I have extended an olive branch to help explain difficuilt problems to them after I am gone. Like I keep telling some of my co workers, my leaving is necessary in order for there to be any change.

Interviews: Liars Welcome

I have been lucky that most interviews I have been to haven't been that bad. I have usually breezed through all of them and I am usually offered the job after the first interview. However I am still bad at interviews because I hate the interview process and I am a very honest person. I like telling the truth or exactly how I feel because I don't see the point in lying, but when it comes to being interviewed, lying is a 100% must.

I dislike interviews, specifically from the interviewee's stand point, for the simple fact it is basically the only place where people want you to lie to them. I have a lot of trouble answering the hot seat questions because it involves deflection and tip toeing around questions. For fuck's sake asking me something stupid like "Why should I hire you?" Is so goddamn vague and open ended that it can cause you to hang yourself easily. Especially if you are caught off guard. That is like me going to a merchant, telling them I want to buy a product, then the merchant says, "Why should I sell this to you?" What the fuck do you mean why? Cause I have the money that's why you fucking moron. Why are you wasting my time? Then the merchant doesn't sell me the product I want. That is what interviews feel like. I have never had a bad outcome, but I still feel as if that is what is happening.

Here are a list of commonly asked vague hot seat interview questions. You probably would never be asked all of these, but you may be asked one or none of them.

The format below is: question, truthful answer and the right answer.

Q1	Why are you leaving your current position?
T	I am leaving my current position because I hate where I work, my co workers are all assholes, my boss is a douch bag and they insult me by giving me 0-1% raises instead of what I rightfully deserve. People who are far less knowledgeable than me are being promoted and my boss favors certain employees. He won't let me change the system I am working on in order to being it up to this centuries standards and he won't listen to me when there is a real problem that needs addressing. Then when the problem occurs he blames me for not telling him about it earlier or being more proactive.
R	I am leaving my current position because the program I am working on is going to be replaced by another system.
Q2	Why do you want this job?
T	I want this job because I need the money, why the hell are you asking? Isn't it obvious enough that you shouldn't feel it necessary to ask? Were you not listening to me when you asked me that first stupid ass question? Aside from wanting the money itself, I would like a raise since the last job was paying me shit. I need to pay my bills and I need a new car.
R	I want this job because I think it will present new challenges to my career and I am very interested in learning more about [job subject matter here].
Q3	What are your strengths and weaknesses?
T	My strengths are that I am awesome and I know my shit. I don't have any fucking weaknesses, I am perfect.
R	Some of my strengths are that I am a very hard worker and I have a very good understanding of [job subject matter here]. Some of my weaknesses are that I sometimes don't verbalize some of my problems or difficulties that I have encountered properly when I need to describe them to others.

So a few words of advice: Never tell the truth at an interview. Lie your whole way through the goddamn thing, it is expected of you. Until the interview process will begin to mean something more than an interviewer fishing for bullshit responses instead of the actual truth, I will continue to lie. The difference is I am actually good at my job as opposed to a lot of other bullshitters who are just bullshit artists and don't have a clue. For example, just because you have a certification doesn't mean you are any good at what you are supposedly certified to do. Of course keep in mind if you are lying, I mean tell them what they want to hear, don't lie about things you really can't prove or do.