Light and the end of the tunnel

I have been saving up my money for some time now. I am about 3 months away from having enough to pay off one of my loans. Unfortunately boulders are being thrown my way as usual. I apparently have to deal with the renewal of my flood insurance I found out yesterday. An unexpected 477 bill that apparently won't be covered completely by escrow. I am now faced with a somewhat crappy decision. I can either pay for this out of escrow by putting in the difference or pay the whole thing off in one shot.

I am leaning towards paying it off in one shot then paying my bill as I would regularly. That way I make more of a dent in my mortgage per month. Not fun, but doable.

Anyhoo... I will have one loan dead by April, then I take a break and start on the next loan. I will have an extra 144 each month to help me make it.

Once I kill my second loan I will work on my car loan.

Once I kill my car loan I move on to my home loan.

The home loan will have to be a longer set goal. In addition to paying monthly bill I will figure out a number that will help me bring it down. I will open a 401K when my two loans are paid off and plan out my car loan which is much smaller and a ways off.

I want to be debt free, that will make me happy.

Perpetually Engaged

I don't understand some of these people out there who are living with someone, but I mean living with them for more than 5 or 6 years, have bought a house together and have not gotten married yet.

Who are they fooling? No engagement, no talk of getting married, nothing. I find it odd. I think people need to grow up and realize that getting married is more than a ceremony. It is about taxes, property and being able to have a say so in your significant other's well being if they are down for the count.

So hiding behind the stupid ass notion of "I don't believe in Marriage" will carry you as far as it can legally. Then argue with a judge or a fucking nurse at a hospital regarding how you should be involved in this person's life but you aren't married.

Stop being stupid.

You don't need the ceremony you can just go to a court.

It costs about 200 bucks. No real excuse there.

What's wrong? You look unhappy.

I hate being asked that question because people don't know what they are getting I to or asking. They are giving unwanted advice and they are trying to make themselves more comfortable by trying to make you solve your problem so that they don't have to see you sad because ultimately it makes them sad. So in efforts to stop themselves from feeling sad they want you to stop being sad.

I hate this question because people rarely actually care why. They just want you to shape up. When you start to explain it to them and then they get the dreaded feeling of "Oh god why did I ask" then it becomes insulting. Since your problem is not simple to solve you are essentially dismissed. Like, "Woah... Okay, I had enough; sorry I asked, please go away now"

Then there are the fuckers who ask, get the answer, then are upset when you don't cheer up and tell you that you just need to snap out of it and be happier. I hate those people so much because they really have no clue what they are talking about. What is most offensive is that they have the audacity to be annoyed with you in the first place. Like since you look unhappy they are upset that you look unhappy and therefore they are tired of seeing you that way so you must change for their benefit. That's where I draw the line.

So yeah... When people ask, I usually don't tell them anything and I deflect them. I can't explain in five minutes my problems to you.

Sheep and other livestock

Why the fuck do people care about Miley Cyrus? Why does it matter what she does? Why do people pay attention to the shocking things she is doing? Is it really that shocking anyhow? Are people really that stupid to pay attention?

I guess so... Makes me sad. I have several favorite artists they don't do any of what these stupid pop culture icons do. Trent Reznor doesn't ride a wrecking ball and stick his tongue out. Then again I wasn't paying attention when he was at his peak or prime.

However these other people that pine over these stupid ass celebrities who make shit up to get the spotlight... Those people I don't understand and they partially sicken me for giving so much mind to something so unimportant.

News flash: whether you believe me or not - most of it is fake. Most of it is staged. Staged so that these stupid ass celebrities will gain recognition for appearing to be outrageous and original to stay relevant on peoples lips and tongues.

"Oh yeah how do you know?" Well if I said I knew people I. The entertainment industry that have worked with these celebrities directly would you believe me? It's true whether you believe me or not. These people tell me about conversations they have had with people like Kesha. I have heard so many stories about behind the scenes from people in the know about big television events.

So all of the crap that sheeple pine over is mostly fake. Just like wrestling.

Go read a fucking book. Create something. Amuse yourself by day dreaming. Stop being so reliant on the idiot box and the idiots on the idiot box for entertainment.

Banter

I am currently very depressed. I am pretty sure it is because of money - I don't know how to stop thinking about it. I have gotten a little better. I keep reminding myself that in the future I should be good to go with paying down my loans and what not - I just need to be patient. I need to stop dwelling on it and it might be over sooner than I think.

Still it is fun to think about winning the lottery or getting a significant bonus or raise. If I could just have about 100K lump sum after taxes I would be pretty good right now.

I would pay off my debts of 13K, 14K and 14K, then I would fix up my house. Currently I need to fix my fascia board, then get gutters installed. Then I need to get concrete poured in my front yard where my patio is. The fucking idiot we bought from fucked up his ingenious installation. He laid engineered wood on top of wooden posts directly on the ground. The amount of rot that is happening is disgusting. I pulled up 1 board to take a look and there were big yellow parasols mushrooms growing underneath.

So that's gotta go.

The good news is that I have been able to focus more on software as of late. I made the decision to stop working on my house when I don't really have the money to do so.

This month has been tough. I really need to sit down and just work out that client software so I can get paid. I want more money, every Penney counts. Need to harass the sellers to pay me what they owe me.

Psuedophedrine

I have been off of psuedophedrine now for several months (I think?) and I have been pretty depressed on and off. I finally realized that in order for me to get projects done I need to buckle down as soon as I get home. I play a game for about an hour or two then I go to town on coding.

I have been really depressed as of late and it is all due to money. Money has got me down. Down with house repairs, down with bills, down with a lot of things money related.

I have been thinking about it carefully and I am going to have to just suck it up and get my shit paid off when I can. I need to not spend money. I am in panic mode so that shouldn't be a problem. I hate being in panic mode, but I am panicked.

Things of worry:
13K loan
14K loan
14K lease (buy out amount)
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All add up to 500+ dollars per month in bills

I am only accumulating about a grand per month in savings which fucking blows. My living costs are going up significantly due to Obamacare.

I need to offload my loans somehow to get back some of that monthly...

In the Shit

Wife got laid off and now it is the dreaded fear of not being able to make ends meet. This is one of those hope for the best situations. It could all go out of control, but we will see. I am not going to be happy about losing more money, but fuck it - we have to do what we have to do. She is going to do her thing and hopefully it will go well.

I am just in fear of moving backwards again. I really really want to pay off my fucking loans, tired of not being able to take advantage of my full income. I feel like it is all being ceased. Same with my car loan - need to buy out my car Goddamnit. I don't regret getting into my car lease, but again tired of paying for it.

I wouldn't care as much if I didn't have my student loans.

Dealing with $500 of loss every month. Like fuck me man.

I will be happy to be done with it when I get there. Something's gotta give here.

I feel like crawling under a rock and not coming out again until it all goes away. I am sure I would die first.