When we are kids in school we hate it, we want to go home and just be. When we reach college, we can't wait to get a job and make money. When we start working all of our time goes into the black hole that is called work. I try to make the best of it, but damn it it is like a goddamn roller coaster ride. I can't get off because I get paid to work and to make matters worse I have the worst vacation policy ever.
My Vacation Policy
People with no vacation policy aside, I get 1 week of vacation not including sick days after one year of continuous service. These days do not roll over. I have to work for an additional 10 years in order to get the 2 weeks of vacation time. My health benefits suck, but it would be un-American if they were good.
About once a month, I go through a small brain melt down when I think of all the goddamn things I have to do in addition to all the things people want from me. What makes it worse is I work and I work late at times so my time disappears too. I live for the fucking weekend. Since I need to take care of my personal life as well there is no time for me to sit down and learn anything too often. It is always do do do, no time for me to do the things to better myself, just chore after chore.
This scares me, I mean beyond worry. Is it always going to be this way? What happens if I get into an accident of some kind and I lose my vision or my hands? Then what? I have short and long disability, but what the hell, then my life is over realistically speaking. The doom and gloom aside, where do I find time to do what some of these Microsoft MVPs did? How do I become a David Silverlight (horrible speaker btw, avoid him)? Basically is what I am getting at is I am not getting younger and I am getting more and more tired, when do I do something to secure my future? I want to do more learning, I want to discover things and I want to invent something that will revolutionize how we as a race live, for the better.
I am freaking out because all that ever happens to me is, I make plans, they are overwritten by something else and I never get to do what I want to do. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, but they won't support me when I am old and grey, I need to find a way to take care of myself. One of my other gripes is, I save money and somehow it is all taken away from me on a regular basis (fuck you IRS, 1800+ in the hole...), I didn't count on this shit, as usual and events keep taking my money away. Next event to take 2000 dollars away from me is an engagement ring for something that fits inside of a 2x2x2 cubic inch area... I hate formalities. I love my girlfriend, but goddamn it... this is not exactly cheap for me and it isn't fair either. I want to pay my student loans, but this shit is stopping me by 2 grand or more... then there is car insurance, 600 dollars every 6 months :( goddamn it. I fucking hate this shit.
I just want to make enough money to pay all my shitty bills off, then save for retirement. I hate this shit. Everyone keeps stopping me, over and over... I am seriously considering closing off all communication and just doing what I need to do, quietly and efficiently. I did that in college, should work again I would imagine. I especially hate it when people tell me I worry too much, I think they don't worry enough because this is a serious problem.
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