I have been lucky that most interviews I have been to haven't been that bad. I have usually breezed through all of them and I am usually offered the job after the first interview. However I am still bad at interviews because I hate the interview process and I am a very honest person. I like telling the truth or exactly how I feel because I don't see the point in lying, but when it comes to being interviewed, lying is a 100% must.
I dislike interviews, specifically from the interviewee's stand point, for the simple fact it is basically the only place where people want you to lie to them. I have a lot of trouble answering the hot seat questions because it involves deflection and tip toeing around questions. For fuck's sake asking me something stupid like "Why should I hire you?" Is so goddamn vague and open ended that it can cause you to hang yourself easily. Especially if you are caught off guard. That is like me going to a merchant, telling them I want to buy a product, then the merchant says, "Why should I sell this to you?" What the fuck do you mean why? Cause I have the money that's why you fucking moron. Why are you wasting my time? Then the merchant doesn't sell me the product I want. That is what interviews feel like. I have never had a bad outcome, but I still feel as if that is what is happening.
Here are a list of commonly asked vague hot seat interview questions. You probably would never be asked all of these, but you may be asked one or none of them.
The format below is: question, truthful answer and the right answer.
So a few words of advice: Never tell the truth at an interview. Lie your whole way through the goddamn thing, it is expected of you. Until the interview process will begin to mean something more than an interviewer fishing for bullshit responses instead of the actual truth, I will continue to lie. The difference is I am actually good at my job as opposed to a lot of other bullshitters who are just bullshit artists and don't have a clue. For example, just because you have a certification doesn't mean you are any good at what you are supposedly certified to do. Of course keep in mind if you are lying, I mean tell them what they want to hear, don't lie about things you really can't prove or do.
I dislike interviews, specifically from the interviewee's stand point, for the simple fact it is basically the only place where people want you to lie to them. I have a lot of trouble answering the hot seat questions because it involves deflection and tip toeing around questions. For fuck's sake asking me something stupid like "Why should I hire you?" Is so goddamn vague and open ended that it can cause you to hang yourself easily. Especially if you are caught off guard. That is like me going to a merchant, telling them I want to buy a product, then the merchant says, "Why should I sell this to you?" What the fuck do you mean why? Cause I have the money that's why you fucking moron. Why are you wasting my time? Then the merchant doesn't sell me the product I want. That is what interviews feel like. I have never had a bad outcome, but I still feel as if that is what is happening.
Here are a list of commonly asked vague hot seat interview questions. You probably would never be asked all of these, but you may be asked one or none of them.
The format below is: question, truthful answer and the right answer.
| Q1 | Why are you leaving your current position? |
| T | I am leaving my current position because I hate where I work, my co workers are all assholes, my boss is a douch bag and they insult me by giving me 0-1% raises instead of what I rightfully deserve. People who are far less knowledgeable than me are being promoted and my boss favors certain employees. He won't let me change the system I am working on in order to being it up to this centuries standards and he won't listen to me when there is a real problem that needs addressing. Then when the problem occurs he blames me for not telling him about it earlier or being more proactive. |
| R | I am leaving my current position because the program I am working on is going to be replaced by another system. |
| Q2 | Why do you want this job? |
| T | I want this job because I need the money, why the hell are you asking? Isn't it obvious enough that you shouldn't feel it necessary to ask? Were you not listening to me when you asked me that first stupid ass question? Aside from wanting the money itself, I would like a raise since the last job was paying me shit. I need to pay my bills and I need a new car. |
| R | I want this job because I think it will present new challenges to my career and I am very interested in learning more about [job subject matter here]. |
| Q3 | What are your strengths and weaknesses? |
| T | My strengths are that I am awesome and I know my shit. I don't have any fucking weaknesses, I am perfect. |
| R | Some of my strengths are that I am a very hard worker and I have a very good understanding of [job subject matter here]. Some of my weaknesses are that I sometimes don't verbalize some of my problems or difficulties that I have encountered properly when I need to describe them to others. |
So a few words of advice: Never tell the truth at an interview. Lie your whole way through the goddamn thing, it is expected of you. Until the interview process will begin to mean something more than an interviewer fishing for bullshit responses instead of the actual truth, I will continue to lie. The difference is I am actually good at my job as opposed to a lot of other bullshitters who are just bullshit artists and don't have a clue. For example, just because you have a certification doesn't mean you are any good at what you are supposedly certified to do. Of course keep in mind if you are lying, I mean tell them what they want to hear, don't lie about things you really can't prove or do.
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