Status

I am beyond tired right now. I was physically and mentally exausted last week, so I skipped going to the gym. I am mentally spent this week. I have been working very hard since my boss blew up on me. I have done such a good job he has consistently told me how much he likes what I have come up with.

That part aside, I am quite nervous about the next 2 months. I need them to be over already so I can focus on bigger important things. I think, I am unsure, but I think I am finished paying for all of the big expensive things connected to this wedding. Right now it is attendance. I need to robo call people who have not rsvp'd yet to get a definite yes or no. Either way I am pretty sure I am not going to get 90 people to show, no big deal, we have about 68 right now. Which isn't bad considering we invited 110.

As soon as this is all over I will be focusing on getting a home or moving to another rental. I will then start to aggresively pay off my student debt. I estimate that I can pay off my federal loans before the end of next year.

For right now I need to file a complaint with Miami-Dade County against the douche bag owner of a lot in the city of NMB. This fuck tard won't cooperate with me regarding my car's repair needs.

Adult Trends in Anxiety

I was watching this series called "Obsessed" which is basically reality TV about the lives of people who have anxiety disorders ranging from OCD to Hording and everything in between. I watched like 5 full episodes until I saw a pattern that emerged in about 95% of all the episodes. This pattern amazed and impressed me because it was so prevalent that I stopped watching the episodes and was speeding through the first 2 minutes of the remaining 20 or so episodes to keep finding that pattern - that and the show had a formula which made it very boring after about 5 episodes.
 
The formula was simple, introduction of two people, they are both pretty fucked up, one is OCD and the other is a Hoarder, or one is a Germaphobe and the other is afraid to take a shit (no seriously, they are afraid to have a bowl movement). They go to therapy for 6 weeks individually different doctors, different cities. They are forced to record their frustrations in a video diary. They must attempt to not give in to their disorders. After 6 weeks they are usually a lot better.

Commonalities between patients include:
A. Traumatic events in early childhood, including but not limited to rape and molestation.
B. In some cases genetics comes into play for people suffering from agoraphobia.
C. Abandonment issues for people who lost a loved one and didn't get to say good bye properly.

Those were the common traits between patients. The pattern I found was when the disorder became more prevalent and overpowering. I found it to be absolutely astonishing that most of the cases all had something similar to say which was something to the effect of: "I was much happier and it didn't affect me nearly as much when I was younger. It only started getting worse after I got married and had children."

First thing about this is, it isn't some strange coincidence that they are getting worse. I realized a few things here:

A. People with children are generally much less happy than those without children. This has been observed and written about recently in a study by a Canadian researcher who also released a book.

B. Assuming people live about 80 years - you spend the first 30% of your life almost completely care free assuming general cases and not extreme high or low cases. Since you live that first 30% going to school, interacting with people, you actually have time to relax and do whatever the fuck you want on your off time, damn straight you are happier. You generally don't have to worry about groceries, paying bills or taking care of adult things. You have a layer of protection offered by your guardian. So yes, it is completely accurate to say that when you are younger you are much happier.

C. When you enter that 70% of your life, typically after you join the work force and you don't see your friends anymore or as often. You do become more depressed and sad. Therefore anyone with anxiety becomes worse without acknowledgement or help. Then if you throw a spouse that might have been a mistake to marry and some children on top, let's say two. All of a sudden you find yourself supporting two monsters you didn't want to begin with and you slowly realized the person you married hates you; which is why you aren't having sex anymore. Yeah, I'd say your life just got a lot worse and you have plenty to be anxious about. Which explains clearly why your behavioral/anxiety disorders escalate.

So yes, the trend I found in adults with anxiety while watching the show Obsessed fascinates me to no end.

Doctor Offices

So I am at the cardiologist's office and I am listening to the receptionist fail at her job. I know from experience she sucks at her simple job. I know it is a lot of work and it is annoying to deal with not so nice patients, but this is not rocket science. Anyone can be trained to do this job in my opinion. Anyhow, this woman fails to schedule people correctly, she misses call backs and she puts people on hold for 15 to 30 minutes at a time. This is bad business and if I wasn't so wound up with this doctor already, I would just go to someone else.

This office is suffering, but they don't know it yet. Really it is the doctor who should be paying attention, because he is the boss. So every time someone isn't scheduled correctly that is an opportunity for loss, patients will just go to another doctor. I had gotten screwed by this office before, I kept calling back about important things and being placed on hold, then hung up on - twice. I got very mad and demanded to speak to the office manager - she apologized and told me everything is fine. I don't understand how something like that can be mismanaged that easily - especially since that is the entry point into the business. When the people at the front desk are screwing up, they are fucking everyone. Like I said before, if patients start to cancel due to mean, poorly educated, uncaring, attitude having receptionists - male or female - patients do have the option of going else where.

I have thought about telling the doctor a few times about his receptionist's shit performance. I think the problem will fix itself, because I don't feel like being responsible for someone to lose their job right now.

Kami-Sama

My boss is in a good mood again he was very civil yesterday, now I feel that I was on edge the whole day for no reason. I was so afraid to speak or look at him because I didn't want a repeat of what happened. It would have really destroyed me if it did happen again. My goal is to not have to deal with that ever again, which is probably wishful thinking more so than reality.

I spoke with him again today and he was in a great mood and very helpful instead of being a fucking monster. So I am very relieved that I didn't have to see that side of him again today. This is day two.

I am dubbing him Kami-Sama because he is a force to be reckoned with. Kami-Sama means deity or god, but does not have to be in the spiritual sense. According to the Shintoists, it can be someone who you neither fear or love, but you are in awe of them. Purely dumb struck. The term would be used to describe lords from fiefdoms or rulers.

Well that is me, I don't like him, I don't fear him and I especially don't love him. He just shocks me that he could be so callous and just plain mean. He has all of the cards though, he has me by the balls because he is the judge and jury since he is the owner of the company.

I really hate people like him because he never had to struggle too hard since he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. I find his total lack of sympathy or respect for others to just be shocking and there is jack shit I can do about it. He is allowed to verbally abuse people all he wants. I just have to hope he hits me so I can sue him for battery and get a small fortune of my own from his fortune.