Work Work

You ever go to work and just sit there and don't want to do jack shit? I am not motivated to do anything right now, which sucks because I do have work I need to do. I am just not interested in what I am working on at the moment it is painfully boring. To make matters worse I don't know when to expect new projects to come my way because my boss doesn't explain anything to me properly. He just puts a bunch of fucking words on a page broken up by newlines and tells me to build it. His design documents are always pretty much a single page or an excel sheet mock up which sucks. He gives me zero background on what or why I am doing this, he just sets down his vague idea and tells me to "do it and do it right".

Very motivating. Right now I need a goddamn bonus. Another 10K and a raise is in order damn it.

I want to start writing one of my three books.

More Blather

So my wedding has happened and I am in the hole financially, like wow expensive. I am not in debt, just out about 32.5K which is nuts. I am not taking all of the burden by myself, but holy shit, still expensive as fuck. I had a really good time and I think my guests did as well. For the money that we paid they had a fucking awesome time.

Now I can reprioritize again, house hunting is next. We need to move out of the place we are in right now. After getting a home, I can finally pay down my student debt. I plan on doing it sometime this year too. I want to throw like 3 to 5 grand at the total. I am at about 30K. I am not going to keep paying it off like this, it is taking too long. I want the debt monkey off my back.

Status

I am beyond tired right now. I was physically and mentally exausted last week, so I skipped going to the gym. I am mentally spent this week. I have been working very hard since my boss blew up on me. I have done such a good job he has consistently told me how much he likes what I have come up with.

That part aside, I am quite nervous about the next 2 months. I need them to be over already so I can focus on bigger important things. I think, I am unsure, but I think I am finished paying for all of the big expensive things connected to this wedding. Right now it is attendance. I need to robo call people who have not rsvp'd yet to get a definite yes or no. Either way I am pretty sure I am not going to get 90 people to show, no big deal, we have about 68 right now. Which isn't bad considering we invited 110.

As soon as this is all over I will be focusing on getting a home or moving to another rental. I will then start to aggresively pay off my student debt. I estimate that I can pay off my federal loans before the end of next year.

For right now I need to file a complaint with Miami-Dade County against the douche bag owner of a lot in the city of NMB. This fuck tard won't cooperate with me regarding my car's repair needs.

More Anger

I am a little deflated today. Nothing better than your own mother saying mean or stupid shit to you to get you in a poor mood. I am not going into the specifics of it, but my mother sure likes to start shit when she really has no reason to. It is very disrespectful, but hell parents don't seem to care if they offend their adult children. I mean it only builds resentment and hairline triggers right?

Anyhow... lots of wedding stuff going on, almost at the finish line too. I'm glad things have finally been set into motion and it is all jiving and moving along. I can see this year almost being finished and over with. I will be going on an excellent vacation too at the end of the year after the wedding. Everything, naturally, costs money. I don't even want to begin to think about how much I have spent already - it is sickening. I don't recommend doing any of this unless you have at least 20K to pull out of your ass and then more for things you didn't expect. Plain and simple this shit is expensive. Remember, it is only for one day, for the same stupid price you can get a down payment on a house easily - so weigh your options.

I would have liked to have paid off one of my student loans by now, especially since all this money that just seems to be flowing from my anus is flowing so freely and unnaturally. So like I said... I will be happy as soon as this year is through and over with.

On to other news. I am still working on getting my app published, it is taking effort, a lot of extra effort... Omg publishing an app is no small feat... like people make it sound easy, it is anything but. Next project is going to be a hardware project. The project after that another software project, then after that a book project I have DYING to work on. I think I can make all of these things happen, they will happen, but slowly and in order. Meanwhile I will be working on paying down my loans, slowly, but I will pay those fucking things down and I am determined to get them out of my fucking life in the next 2 years. I want to be student debt free by December 2014. I am not.. well you will be hearing about it, because I will bitch all the way there.

The only exception to my deadline is I need permanent residence right now badly. I hate my stupid Landlord, the stupid heifer is completely irresponsible and does not deserve this property we are renting from her. I hate irresponsible home owners, it is one thing to be conned, it is another thing to just be a jack ass who doesn't understand the gravity of the situation, but thinks they can have their cake and eat it too. Stupid bitch won't willingly pay for her fucking property's repairs! We have to beg, all I get back is, "Oh I can't pay for this." well fuck you, no one told you to buy something you can't afford you dumb bitch. So we are going to see if we can buy it from her, but I am not holding my breath, she is very very stubborn.

Cracking Up

I have been having a hard time lately. Having a hard time focusing on work, on working out, on a lot of things... I am tired. Mostly mentally and a little emotionally. I wish I had the money to drop on going to a therapist right now, but I honestly don't. I want to save my money right now, I am very concerned about unexpected costs attached to this wedding. I would like to stop the spending roller coaster right now, but until this year is through there isn't much end in sight.

I am pretty depressed right now because I am going through another bout of depression. I knew it was going to happen, just wasn't sure when. Well it is here and it isn't welcome here, but like an unwanted guest I will have to make due until it leaves.

I would really like to get diagnosed for dysthysmia and dyslexia. Not that they are the same, but I need both diagnosed.

I am in a particularly bad mood too as of late, undoubtedly brought on by my depression. I am just upset with everyone as a whole. Nothing anyone did to me, I am just in a bad mood because I am depressed and I feel shitty. I feel guilty for not going to the gym too, but I am not sure how to handle my not going to the gym right now. I don't want to get fat, but I also don't want to go. It is because I have a lack of will to do so.

Running Ragged

I need a break soon. I have been busting my ass lately time wise, I am becoming very tired with all of the back and forth. I am glad that I have gotten myself organized and my new work place worked to my advantage, but I need a break.

I seriously need a month off, a full 4 weeks.

The first week I would just relax. I would do nothing and I would just game, watch movies and shows, eat, sleep and fuck.

The second week I would try to get some real work done with my personal projects. I have two projects I give a shit about and I want to see them through to the end.

The third and fourth weeks would be more of the same of the second week, but I would try to relax when I could.

I am making very good pay right now, but I never realized how high taxes are at my pay grade. The taxes take a huge dent out of your savings and spending ability. It sucks, but I am a strong believer in giving back, especially when you can.

My only goals are to become rich and to live comfortably in retirement. If I can only achieve one, it is to live comfortably in retirement.

I have two incredible investment options right now, one is through my work place. It is a hedge fund after all and the returns they are seeing per year are massive! These guys know how to hedge their bets big time. The only problem is it will take 10K minimum for me to get started.

The next incredible investment is something I will be more vague about. Let's just say it is a loan business where you can't lose. You make a loan and if they don't pay you keep the asset they were trying to pay for anyhow. It really is a win win for the investor. I would get a monthly check which I could keep or reinvest. Same problem though, it would be about 10K.

I just need to make and save enough money to do both because I think both are worth while. If I win the lottery, which is a pipe dream, I will take a huge chunk of the winnings and invest it with this hedge fund. Fuck it, I need to do what is good for me, so if I contradicted myself now, this is me saying, yes, yes I did.

I have adopted the attitude that if I want live comfortably, I can try my best to strike it rich, but I need to take it easy too. I have been working too hard for the last 10 years. Since I got out of high school, I went straight to college, I went every semester including summer sessions then I got a job. It has been non stop movement since senior year of high school.

So fuck you people who had mom and dad pay for their schooling. Then when they graduated they took a year off before getting a job to go visit fucking peru or some shit for a year. Fuck y'all. I am saying that because I am jealous - wish I could have been that person.

Post

This is just a blather post. When I feel good or bad about anything I like to just think about my future.

After having my wedding at the end of this year, I am going to buckle down and get super serious about paying off my student loans. I have it all worked out, the plan of attack is to:

1. Pay off my federal loan first in two parts. First paying the subsidized loan down then...
2. Pay off the unsubsidized loan...
3. Take my monthly federal loan payment money and send it over to my provate loan.
4. Pay down the federal loan

I have six 5,000 dollar payments left for both loans to be paid off and I am not including my monthly payments in that figure. The monthly is just an added benefit.

I will feel free after paying down these loans. Then the money I have will truely be mine. I will worry less about paying off debts. I might even consider paying off my Lease in full so I don't have to worry about it.

There is only one small tiny dillema, my wife and I are going to try to buy a place to live. This eats up money badly because of inspections, down payments, fees and other crap that comes with the territory of wanting to own property. I am not incredibly excited about this venture because it might prevent me from paying down my student loans for another year. I just need to make sure I have enough money on hand for the occasion. I would much, much, much rather just save my money, but being a renter has its negatives.

My landlord is an idiot and is deep in debt. She made the fatal mistake of buying into this property when it was at its peak selling point which was a huge mistake. The greed of people is fucking amazing. They buy properties and then think they are special enough that someone else will pay them twice what they paid at an even more inflated price. WTF are people thinking? The nerve of people, it just makes me upset that they think it is okay.

Blather

I want to be retarded rich, I would like to not care about my expenses (as much). I wouldn't spend money all willy nilly, but I certainly would not feel compelled to hold back. There is a video card that I want to buy, 260 dollars, beautiful piece of circuitry. Can't afford it right now because of my upcomming insurance bill. I am 500 bucks in the hole and the month just started.

I keep reminding myself that next year will definitely be better. I won't worry about expenses as much because there will be less of them. I want to pay down my 31K of student debt. As soon as I pay off one loan completely, my monthly bill will be split in half essentially. I can then viciously pay off the other loan. I am excited and impatient because I can see this being the case, I see the plan. I essentially have 1 loan at 15K and the other at 16K.

I would then have an extra 300 bucks a month of disposable income. That is 3600 dollars per year I can put away! I haven't had a chance to buy lotto tickets yet, but I will get around to it soon. I want to give it a shot.

Spent

I have been spending too much money in the last few months, it is almost shameful how much I have spent. However it is all for stuff I have been putting off and it will help my bottom line I am hoping. I finally got my war machine up and running. Beautiful desktop pc with excellent parts.

Unexpectedly I built a new server because there was a shellshocker deal on newegg I could not pass up.

I spent somewhere in the neighborhood of 2.3K total in computer parts and software. Holy hell I have never spent this much all in one shot.

Coming up I have a 8K bill for my upcomming wedding. Jesus fing christ. Some of which will be reimbursed to me by my wife.

The point is I need to cool it with the spending, but I don't know how to when everything I am doing and getting right now is absolutely necessary. For example I spent 450 dollars this morning at a podiatrist office because insurance will only cover you if you are diabetic. 400 dollars for inserts and 50 bucks for the appointment. 200 dollars for additional pairs. Fuck me.

So I am trying to cool it, but right now I have doctor appointments I need to go to that I have been putting off for about 2 years now or more.

I have to pay my 500 dollar car insurance bill next month, this is going to go swimmingly well...

Meh, I will figure it all out.

This is why I am going to start playing the lottery, hopefully I win. I know there is no strategy for playing, but I generated some numbers I am happy with by doing the following:

Get 2 months of lottery data. Get the mode of each column. Blam there are your randomly picked numbers. I was very happy with the numbers so I am going to try it out. The stupid part is the numbers generated were of each series 1, 1x, 2y, 3z, 4a, 5b. I actually didn't pick them like that, they just appeared that way in order to!

So fuck it, 52 dollars for 6 months of advanced play is super worth it. I am game!

Delayed Mondays

I love having Mondays off, but then it makes the following day the Monday of that week which makes me sad because I truely hate Mondays.

I am so sleepy right now.

I want to go home. Mostly what I need is a vacation. I need like a full week off to just enjoy myself at home, working on circuits and other things of the like.

To Do

So the extra money I am making is going a long way for me and has now enabled me to do things I couldn't even think about doing before. I am going to be having my actual wedding ceremony now to celebrate what we did already, which almost felt unofficial. It is going to be a non religious wedding, no stupid over extended customs or bullshit. It will be quick and dirty, to the point, let's have our wedding ceremony vows and I do's then move on to the fun part.

I need to switch out my car and I think I will be doing that soon enough. The plan is if I get a new car I will sell the old one and use the money to pay off a huge chunk of my student loans. I will then barrow money from my mother to pay off the remainder and in turn I will pay her 2% interest. The point is to not owe an agency anymore, so I will be off the books officially which is nice. I will still have one loan (technically two - sub and unsub) loans remaining, but I am not worried since it is federal, the interest rate shouldn't sky rocket or anything.

I then want to buy a new power PC, finally, just get it done. I have been needing a new PC for years now. I want something updated and powerful so I can play games and enjoy the shit out of older titles that I have.

Since my company does not offer a 401K I need to figure out how I am going to put money away for my retirement. I am thinking about a pension plan for myself through MetLife, but I need to do my research first to see if it even makes sense. It will be one more disconnected service I pay myself. I already pay my own Life Insurance so it is mobile.

Blather

This post is not about anything in particular it is just blather. I have been having a lot of trouble breathing lately and aside from the obviously troubling aspect of it, I am just fed up with my bullshit allergies. I don't even understand what I am allergic to anymore. It feels like there is dust just about everywhere, which I guess makes sense, but holy hell I can't seem to get a single moment of peace sometimes without my nose running, itching, being dry, then bleeding, then being closed so tight I can't breath and then in other instances I feel like I have a giant grain of sand or a rock under my eye lids. I thought that I had something stuck in my eye, it apparently was my eyelid just being swollen all together, inflamed, itchy and it burned and hurt to the touch.

Bottom line, I need to do something about it, it is becoming unlivable. There are times where even popping a claritin does nothing. Then there are the lovely sinus infections I get which go on for weeks. I don't have a cold, I just have a fucking sinus infection which tends to cause a cold. I need some fucking reliefe.

My other symptom which happens every so often is my numbness or my lack of feelings and desire. I will go into these unexpected bouts of feeling nothing for an undetermined amount of time. I don't feel happy, sad, I can't get horny, I am not depressed, I just feel nothing. It is worrisome because it gives me poor judgement on what I should/shouldn't say to people. It is when I am my most blunt.

Meh

I feel meh right now. Been off of work for the last 4 days including today and something that happens to me often when I have plenty of time off is that I get bored pretty easily with doing nothing. So watching tv and playing video games all weekend only goes so far. I need interaction and brain challenges because I can't sit stll for very long. I can do the gluttonous thing for about 2-3 days max, but that 3rd or 4th day I start to feel ill, as in I had too much of nothing and self indulgence.

It would happen to me all the time during the summer when I was in high school. I didn't have time off in college because I always took summer courses. Then as soon as I started working the only time off I would get was always the holidays since I kept shifting jobs; I could never accrue days off which was ridiculousness. So anyhow I need to setup my up comming vacation off which will probably be in January. I will work the entire week on my projects and try to get stuff done.

One thing is for damn sure, my personal goals this year include some idea/invention submission ideas to a company that will take them. I want to get my site idea off the ground. I want to work on an electronic invention of some kind and lastly I want to read more.