Status Blow

I am rather depressed about several problems/things. I don't really like my job, it is beyond boring and wanting to get any work done is very difficult when I never know what my next project is going to be because my boss doesn't believe in planning. He just kind of pulls things out of his ass. There is plenty of maintenance and refactoring work to be done - but getting him to understand or even permit that kind of work is like pulling teeth. Essentially this job sucks and I am not sure if I should stick with it because this is a rough spot or if I should just move on soon... Either way now isn't a good time for this.

I was recently hit with some bad news from my wife that her entire company has received a 20% pay cut. They did that instead of laying people off. That's nice right? Well I've seen this shit happen before, they are just going to lay people off anyhow. That is what always happens. That puts pressure on me now because if I get fired or laid off then we are in double deep shit. She suspects she might get laid off, but we don't know that yet.

I am depressed about the amount of money I keep losing due to one time massive expenditures. Weddings are expensive, mine cost about 35K roughly and I paid about 60% of it which was not easy for me to do. I still have enough in the bank, but I need to find a place to live right now, which I am working through at the moment. It is a long and painfully slow process which sucks. Buying a home is going to cost me anywhere between 10K and 15K, I am not looking forward to this especially since I am not going to get much help paying for anything. My wife owes me about 3.5K from the wedding because she wasn't able to cover all of her portion. Now there is the house which I don't think I am going to get any significant help with.

I want to pay off my student debt. I mean that is really what I want to do badly right now. I have about 29K roughly to pay off. I want to throw 5K at it to pay off one of the 3 loans that I have. Then I will whittle down the second loan, then take the money I am saving from paying off the first two and use it against the last one.

Finally I would like to save and invest as much money as possible for my/our retirement.

I just hate how long it takes to accumulate the funds and how easily they just disappear.

So yeah... all of that is depressing me, it doesn't help that I don't want to be at work on top of all of this. I hate it when I am in this funk, I need some relief from feeling like this, but I don't know what to do when I feel like this. I think part of the problem is I am impatient and I become anxious when I cannot do something I know I need to do immediately. I just like getting things done and off of my back as soon as possible so I don't have to worry about what to do.

The other thing that has got me down is not knowing what to do with my free time. I know that sounds really stupid, but when I am depressed I have no will or desire to do ANYTHING. It is a very awful feeling, so it makes me more anxious knowing that I will have an entire weekend and I won't get anything done because I am feeling very depressed and not having any desires. This weekend looks like it will consist of gaming the entire time. I just hate the inevitable doom of my mundane job after the weekend is over, it isn't a lot to look forward to. It is like taking a deep breath, then holding your head under the water for a long time, only to keep doing it repeatedly.

Well... I got to get back to "work" so I will continue to lament again later...