I feel like absolute shit right now, but I don't mean physically, I mean mentally. There are days where I feel good and then then there are days where I feel morbidly depressed and I start to have these damn haunting thoughts all over again. Anything triggers them because my mind automatically associates my unhappy experiences with objects and other thoughts. Most of my unhappy experiences are bouts of embarrassment. The same way I felt while it was happening is the same way I feel when i think about it, so it is like reliving the experience.
The problem I have is that not only do I relive the experience, but all of my thoughts haunt me in a serial nature. One after another they batter me, like a dog pile, like a crowd of mean children singling out a single person and taunting him mercilessly. So i have a big fucking problem, but i am not sure how to fix it. I am mentally unwell and i think i need help.
I am afraid to go to a psychologist because of the expense and the idea that they will give me drugs.
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