Movement

Things are progressing nicely right now, which tends to add to my anxiety. I figured out a long time ago that saying 50% of the time things go well and the other 50% they don't is a huge misconception. What it comes down to is that when nothing is upsetting me for a long time, it is inevitable that something over a long expanse of time will find its way to upset me. It is logical. So it isn't half and half, it is more like normalcy and then an upsetting event that deregulates my normalcy. The best comparison is making waves in a pond that was nice and still for a long time. It doesn't make sense to say that - that pond was still 50% of the time and turbulent the other 50% of the time. Being still is the norm or baseline.

That is why I am quite sure I have dysthymia, my baseline for happiness sucks. I am never actually happy about anything, I am just undisturbed, like a pond that is still. Then when a traumatic event happens in my life that I don't see coming or I don't know how to deal with, it puts me in a deep deep depression that I can be in for an indeterminate amount of time. Like the size of the rock thrown into the pond causes the number and size of ripples in the surface of the once still baseline pond.

I am semi happy to state that pseudoephedrine doesn't only work as a decongestant, it works as an anti-depressant and it works very well. The only problem with it is it releases all of the feel good chemicals in your brain all at once, which leads to a crash. You feel great for a few days then, it wears off and you are out of feel good chemicals. It takes a while for your body to replenish them. I use pseudoephedrine for decongestion, so this is an unintended benefit.