Lost

I know I have mentioned this kind of thing many times now, but I can't help thinking about it more and more as the days go by. I want to get a plan in place; something I can follow loosely because I know that following a strict plan doesn't work. I am scared of what the future holds for me. I am thinking about changing jobs again soon, but I need to wait until a certain time has passed to do so and probably by that time things could change. One thing is for sure I want to get back into electronics. I want to apply some of my ideas and actually get them up and running. I don't mind working for someone, but it is the rat race and it is very obvious that you can't trust your employer, more so your manager, not all of them anyhow. I want to develop a product that will wow people and I want to be recognized. I want to be rich.

Battlefield bad company 2

This game is awesome. There is nothing else to it; this game is probably one of the most awesome games I have played ever to date. It combines a lot into one nice small package. Multiplayer with friends is especially fun, having a mike is almost mandatory, totally brings games to a different level of game play.

Dealing With Bullshit

I don't mind being told I am wrong about something when I am wrong. I do mind however when I am told that I am wrong about something when I am right or the other person is not seeing the whole picture. That bothers me a lot. Fuck work politics, if your boss is an idiot, it doesn't mean you need to deal with it.

My boss recently decided that we (my coworkers and I) need to start doing team activities more often, which I don't think is his call first off. My time after work is mine, not his, he can't tell me what to do after work. This douche gets mad though if you don't participate, which to me means nothing. If he can't separate his own stupid ass work ideals from reality then that isn't my problem. However then he builds grudges, which begin to fester, which end up in job loss. I hate this guy and his thoughts of what he thinks management is.

He never should have been given this fucking position. Useless employee.

Title

I don't think I am going to always have a good title for quick rants.

The days where I perform my worst are days where I feel like everyone is against me every step of the way. I never could deal with people giving me a hard time easily, as they say; I wear my emotions on my sleeve. It is easy to tell when I am agitated.

The only thing that can fix how I am feeling is if everyone backs off and I have time to just sit around and not do anything or talk to anyone. I would like it if things calmed the fuck down and I could get a chance to breath and relax.

Sometimes I just want to be alone and I am not sure how to do that anymore, living with my wifey and being at work. The only alone time I have is in the car or in the bathroom.

I am really depressed right now. I don't have anxiety, I am just not happy.

It only bothers other people

Again this is similar to tolerated speech. I truly dislike how I have to do something a certain way only because it bothers other people. I don't even mean the harmful kind of bother, it is the meaningless stupid kind of bother. So basically someone is taking bother with something just because it annoys them in particular, it doesn't hurt them or stop them, just a personal bother.

Example, not cutting my hair or shaving will bother people, but it didn't bother me or affect me until I needed a job. Then someone else’s opinion, what they thought mattered.

There are examples though that we can use that will not be limited by an authority figure. For example, why can't we eat cats, dogs, horses or other animals we as Americans don't eat. We don't have a decent enough reason other than people saying it is cruel, disgusting or some other bullshit. I think it is stupid that we can't eat cats, dogs or horses. Imagine what an addition to our markets it would be. It only bothers other people, namely stupid Americans who only know how to overdramatize something. "We don't eat cats cause they are cute." Or "I love horseies, don't kill them." As for PETA, how about trying to help out a human you morons. Fuck animals. I will eat anything that walks.

Title

I am much more relaxed now. I know what I need to do now; I just need to figure out how to do it all. After I move I am going to reorganize myself and I am going to start exercising again, hopefully that will help me. I am going to be a lot closer to work, in which case maybe I can start working on things when I get home. I am not sure, but I will see.

Title

Despite all that has happened this week, I feel better about everything. Even though things are going to get worse for the next month or so in terms of stress and just general chaos. I am just happy that I know where I stand here, in life so far. I hate not having a plan to follow, but I am going to draft one soon, I am still brain storming.

You Need to Lose Weight

Another one of my pet peeves is when someone tells me I need to lose weight. I am a tall guy, I weigh about 230 lbf. I am constantly told by everyone that I am over weight, these aren’t people I don't know either, it comes from friends and family. I swear to you though I am not grossly overweight, it is everyone’s' fucking projection. I especially hate it when I lose weight and no one notices, or when I gain the weight back due to muscle gain. I am much much stronger than I look and I can make a decked out macho man look like a pussy in an arm wrestling match or when it comes to endurance.

I always knew everyone was built differently, but I didn't know to what extreme. There are people who build up muscle easily, but it is meaningless, soft muscle that is only good for looks. I have less impressive looking muscles, but they are harder and stronger than most.

So basically what I am getting at is, fuck everyone I know, it is none of their fucking business how much I weigh or how much I need to lose. I don't need to convince someone about things I am right about.

Clash of the Titans

I went to see Clash of the Titans last night and I have to say first off that for what it was, it was a decent movie... if it wasn't called "Clash of the Titans" it would have been a great movie. The old version was freaking phenomenal, even with its really old style claymation, which was pretty awesome in its day. The biggest problem I had with this movie was the butchered plot. Rightly so too, because I am a big fan of Greek Mythology and especially the very detailed kind that has a deep plot in it.

It bothers me when someone takes artistic liberty and decides to change the essence of a plot, meaning the back bone of it. Especially for what were well known plots or stories. I don't think people should be allowed to use the official title of a work, unless they follow what the author intended. The only time this is permissible is when the person who authored the work is the one making the film or adaptation. The only other time this would be okay is if the author gave someone the permission to butcher their work. Other than that, no one should be able to call their interpretation or their adaptation the same titles as an original, they must rename it or give it a sub text.

So if this movie was called, "Clash of the Titans: A retelling" then I would have been okay. I watched the whole movie in utter disappointment. I left feeling swindled, especially since we paid to see it in 3D, which I am not a big fan of. 3D is overrated; I only went because the time worked.

What I Want

As usual I am feeling pretty tired around 16:00 and I would love to go home, of course I am not the only one, but I am who matters here. I want to go home, jump on my bed, curl up with my girlfriend and go to sleep. She's the greatest, she really is. I wish I had the money right now to get her a ring; I should start thinking about this more and see if I can make monthly payments. However that is just one more bill to kick my ass.

I really wish I could make 100K a year or more, that would solve virtually all my problems. All of my cruddy problems are money problems. I would immediately pay off my loans and I would get married.

I wish I could go to grad school. I want more knowledge in the following subjects and areas:

-database design
-database structure and all that is included
-the anatomy of programming languages
-best programming practices
-robotics
-bio-engineering
-statistics
-mathematics
-accounting
-taxes
-antenna design
-digital signal processing

-time

I really wish I had the damn time.

Goddamn It

I had a strange adjustment to the working life and having a full time job. I love working, I don't love the work politics though and it makes me very uneasy. Some people are good at the work politics and can stomach it easily. I am very good at the work politics, but I can't stomach it well enough because I have a conscience. Some people call not having a conscience "business" I call it immoral practices or work politics.

Anyhow, I am scared. I am not afraid to admit it either. I am afraid of the future and I am having a hard time accepting that in order for me to get ahead in life I need to keep changing jobs every 1 to 2 years. This is stupid work ethic; I like seeing something I am working on grow and develop. I hate these damn work politics where there are no raises or a way to advance. I want a secure job where I can move up the damn ladder.

Currently I am in a position where that will probably not be the case. It is a job where I take what I get and not complain. The sad part is this work environment is better than a large corporate work environment, but there are no growth opportunities. I was promised growth, I was promised new technology, but then my manager changed and all those promises evaporated. Not his fault, he was promoted and given a new position, so a lazy ass could take his position. It is a complicated story.

Unfortunately, if I don’t see a change in July 2011, I will look for another job and I am out.

Moving Sucks Ass

So the act of moving, not in the sense of moving ones limbs, but the idea of taking everything you own, boxing it up and taking it to a remote place, sucks. It sucks a lot and I don’t wish to do it anymore. A year and a half went by and the idea of moving thrilled me at first, but then when I started doing it, I remembered why I hated it so much. Especially when I have to work for most of the day, then come home and pack until 00:00 or 01:00. Then drive to work for 40 miles again the next morning. It is how tired I get doing it that makes me hate it. I feel like I have been running a marathon for the last month. This has been by far the most stressful move ever. The first time sucked, but it wasn't as much stuff as this time. We accumulated stuff, we bought furniture and crap that people buy with their disposable income. Besides the amount of energy that goes into packing, I really hate it when I can't find a goddamn pattern for the items that are left over. The efficiency and speed of packing is like the exponential function, it raises to one then converges to zero easily. The reason is the amount of stuff that can be packed together as a group or category diminishes quickly and easily, then you are left with all the crap that doesn't fit a category and this screws me over. I don't know what to do with all that shit so eventually I create unmarked boxes of random crap. It takes forever because none of it should be together in a box! Snow globes and sanitizing spray? Wtf those shouldn't go in a box, but where else can it go. So I just lump it all together and haul it off.

I am exhausted... and I have to go to work tomorrow TBIF (Thank Buddah It's Friday... why not?).

One Way Street

My boss is a hypocrite. He likes to make rules for everyone else to follow but he doesn’t follow them himself. This makes me very mad; it is one of my sore spots. I hate it when someone tells me it is not okay for me to do something and spazzes out about it, but when they do it there is no one around to tell them they are a douche for breaking their own rule.

I have a similar problem with not having any consumer rights. If your credit card company or bank charges you a fee for something stupid, you have to pay it. If you turn around and charge them a fee, or try to, they laugh at you. What gives these people the power or the right? The answer is simple, they don’t need you, you need them.

Blue Martini - Drunk Blogging

I am drunk right now, but i want to comment on how interesting it is for people to conduct business with all this noise. I have a friend that is a sound engineer and a driend that is a producer, he has done a number of things you have watchecd on tv, but i wont name them to keep him safe. I like bringing together people business wise so that new relatipon ships flourish.

K i am done,, just wanted to say that. That and i am rwally horny right now... mmmmm sex......

Duct Tape Programers

I dislike duct tape programmers because it is a way to perpetuate the idea that, "Badly written code is okay as long as it works." This is a crappy concept and a lot of people are using it to make quick cash. I hate this concept because it is the equivalent of having an unlicensed contractor build your house or do modifications to your home. There are programmers that don't seem to see a problem with poorly written code, they just move forward and never look back.

I feel the same way about out sourcing programming jobs to the Indians overseas, who don't really care if they do a good job because they just want to make money. The people who think it is okay to utilize overseas programmers can fuck off because they only care about money. I say give an American the job opportunity where you can over see the work being done, instead of two or three duct tape rag heads. I don't have anything against Indians, but I do give preference to my fellow American first.

Help home first, and then help everyone else.

Overwhelming Pieces

When we are kids in school we hate it, we want to go home and just be. When we reach college, we can't wait to get a job and make money. When we start working all of our time goes into the black hole that is called work. I try to make the best of it, but damn it it is like a goddamn roller coaster ride. I can't get off because I get paid to work and to make matters worse I have the worst vacation policy ever.

My Vacation Policy
People with no vacation policy aside, I get 1 week of vacation not including sick days after one year of continuous service. These days do not roll over. I have to work for an additional 10 years in order to get the 2 weeks of vacation time. My health benefits suck, but it would be un-American if they were good.

About once a month, I go through a small brain melt down when I think of all the goddamn things I have to do in addition to all the things people want from me. What makes it worse is I work and I work late at times so my time disappears too. I live for the fucking weekend. Since I need to take care of my personal life as well there is no time for me to sit down and learn anything too often. It is always do do do, no time for me to do the things to better myself, just chore after chore.

This scares me, I mean beyond worry. Is it always going to be this way? What happens if I get into an accident of some kind and I lose my vision or my hands? Then what? I have short and long disability, but what the hell, then my life is over realistically speaking. The doom and gloom aside, where do I find time to do what some of these Microsoft MVPs did? How do I become a David Silverlight (horrible speaker btw, avoid him)? Basically is what I am getting at is I am not getting younger and I am getting more and more tired, when do I do something to secure my future? I want to do more learning, I want to discover things and I want to invent something that will revolutionize how we as a race live, for the better.

I am freaking out because all that ever happens to me is, I make plans, they are overwritten by something else and I never get to do what I want to do. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, but they won't support me when I am old and grey, I need to find a way to take care of myself. One of my other gripes is, I save money and somehow it is all taken away from me on a regular basis (fuck you IRS, 1800+ in the hole...), I didn't count on this shit, as usual and events keep taking my money away. Next event to take 2000 dollars away from me is an engagement ring for something that fits inside of a 2x2x2 cubic inch area... I hate formalities. I love my girlfriend, but goddamn it... this is not exactly cheap for me and it isn't fair either. I want to pay my student loans, but this shit is stopping me by 2 grand or more... then there is car insurance, 600 dollars every 6 months :( goddamn it. I fucking hate this shit.

I just want to make enough money to pay all my shitty bills off, then save for retirement. I hate this shit. Everyone keeps stopping me, over and over... I am seriously considering closing off all communication and just doing what I need to do, quietly and efficiently. I did that in college, should work again I would imagine. I especially hate it when people tell me I worry too much, I think they don't worry enough because this is a serious problem.

Bleh

I feel very bleh right now, I don't have the will to do anything constructive for work at the moment. I want to go home and go to sleep. I will be moving soon, so I am a little stressed out that I have been busting my ass at work and trying to get this move in order. It doesn't help that I live 10000 miles away (40 miles from work - 80 mile round trip - 400 miles a week minimum - I fill up almost twice a week, yay me). I am moving so I can drive less and be closer to work, not to mention I will finally escape from that shit hole Kendall. It is a pretty area, but the people in it make it a shit hole. They all have bad, self-centered, obnoxious, rude attitudes and I don't wish to be around them anymore. Stupid Cuban republican area, there isn't enough room to live there because of the damn egos everywhere.

I like my job, but I feel like there isn't an opportunity to grow there. I am going to give it another year or two for growth, I want to see more $$$$ - if I don't get it, I am out. I need to get married first so I can go back to school to get a Masters degree for free mostly. I need to reinvent myself professionally in order to get anywhere I need to go. I want a 100K salary, it would solve a lot of my problems right now. I mostly want to pay off all of my school debt, that would make me happy. Especially since I have my mother's mortgage to worry about :(. I am in debt that isn't even mine, yay.

I mailed my rant letter and 453 dollar check to the IRS today, I hope they don't spend it all in one place... like a Senator or a war.