Kevin Smith

I love Kevin Smith. I have been watching Kevin smith grow as a director and all that since before it was a fad. I knew of his films and watched every one of them before they were even popular. One of my favorite things to watch is when he is on stage, the first one I saw was "An Evening With Kevin Smith", I grew great respect for him - I loved Kevin Smith even more then.

The years went on and I saw that he was going through some shit and I started to grow a dislike for him, he was going through an arrogance phase. I watched his recent stand up or as he calls it Q&A, and whatever funk he was going through he is finished with it. He was himself again and very inspirational.

He is a word smith and I love how he just doesn't care about what anyone thinks for the most part. He will take on a challenge, but for the most part he is a laid back guy. I have a lot if respect for him and I am very grateful for his words of encouragement.

His most recent Q&A is called (that I know of) "Burn in Hell Kevin Smith". It was fucking awesome and I feel pumped up. I feel like I can conquer the world after listening to him speak.

This has led me to realize that motivational speaking is something I think I will use to stay inspired and motivated. I have a huge problem with motivation. My motivation comes then goes and stays away for a long time. That is largely in part to my mental and physical health.

I need to get my physical health in check before I bother with mental. My breathing problems and apnea are contributors to my mental state. The lack of oxygen saturation is not helping, my lack of good rest depresses me. These things kill my motivation. I am eating correctly and I weigh proper. I am stringer than I have ever been. I just need to get my breathing under control.

I have so many ideas, I have so many things I want to do and try to sell. I want success, not even fame, I just want fucking success.

Fuck Jenny McCarthy

Jenny McCarthy can go to hell and die. She is a giant walking contradiction. This stupid bitch decided that she was going to slam vaccinations and put an evil spin on them by saying they cause autism. That's not what I am slamming her for, I am slamming her for endorsing Blu eCigs cigarettes. This makes her a fucking hypocrite. She will give vaccines a bad wrap but she will say it is okay to suck down nicotine? She is okay with second hand smoke or vapor in this case.

I am shocked that there isn't more revolving around this. So yeah fuck this bitch.

The Impossible

I don't understand how people can say all nonchalantly that putting away some money in this or that investment is what you SHOULD be doing when I am finding it difficult to put any money away between making improvements to my house, I'm not talking about lavish things - I mean important repairs, and paying for things in life such as health related costs or student debt.

I just got an estimate yesterday for replacing my A/C and it will run me 6400. Wow just like that, pull that money out of my ass right? I have one more student loan which is going to run me about 12-13K after my monthly installments. Meanwhile there is a good possibility that I will have to foot more bills if my wife can't meet her end of things. Fuck me right?

Anyhow as usual I think of the future. I want to get to a point where I will have more income than I know what to do with. I don't want to worry about this or that expense. I want to be fucking rich. I want to give away my excess funds to other people of my choosing. That is what I want. I am dying to sit down and learn the things I want to learn and do. I want to go back to school. That is currently an impossibility. I can't pull 22K out of my ass. That's what grad school will run me.

I am still playing the lotto... Who knows.

Oh go fuck yourself

I am really fucking tired of two things. I am tired of people telling me how to code and I am tired of people telling me that I didn't work enough hours in a month.

I don't want anyone to tell me that I did something wrong in code unless I actually did something wrong. Recently I created a replacement class for an existing class in order to gradually and iteratively replace the old class's contents. The old class was written very poorly. My new class is only used by new code and it is cleaner than the old code. I was given shit for doing it, I was told I was wrong for creating this new class without asking. Well fuck you I don't ask for permission to improve things carefully. I didn't outright replace anything I surgically implanted a better way we can gradually move over to. Don't insult me.

I was given shit for using an abstract class. I cannot believe the reasoning either. Too complicated and over engineered I was told. Again fuck you, I put this in place because we had one page trying to implement two different modes. Those modes were smeared all over the fucking page using if statements, the same fucking if statement over and over. That calls for a factory pattern - this is not negotiable.

Lastly I am tired of companies saying they want you to enter hours for your tasks. Then they have the balls to say you didn't work enough hours if you don't reach a magic number in a month. Forget about the number of interruptions and meetings you had apparently none of that matters.

I am very agitated right now.