What's wrong? You look unhappy.

I hate being asked that question because people don't know what they are getting I to or asking. They are giving unwanted advice and they are trying to make themselves more comfortable by trying to make you solve your problem so that they don't have to see you sad because ultimately it makes them sad. So in efforts to stop themselves from feeling sad they want you to stop being sad.

I hate this question because people rarely actually care why. They just want you to shape up. When you start to explain it to them and then they get the dreaded feeling of "Oh god why did I ask" then it becomes insulting. Since your problem is not simple to solve you are essentially dismissed. Like, "Woah... Okay, I had enough; sorry I asked, please go away now"

Then there are the fuckers who ask, get the answer, then are upset when you don't cheer up and tell you that you just need to snap out of it and be happier. I hate those people so much because they really have no clue what they are talking about. What is most offensive is that they have the audacity to be annoyed with you in the first place. Like since you look unhappy they are upset that you look unhappy and therefore they are tired of seeing you that way so you must change for their benefit. That's where I draw the line.

So yeah... When people ask, I usually don't tell them anything and I deflect them. I can't explain in five minutes my problems to you.

Sheep and other livestock

Why the fuck do people care about Miley Cyrus? Why does it matter what she does? Why do people pay attention to the shocking things she is doing? Is it really that shocking anyhow? Are people really that stupid to pay attention?

I guess so... Makes me sad. I have several favorite artists they don't do any of what these stupid pop culture icons do. Trent Reznor doesn't ride a wrecking ball and stick his tongue out. Then again I wasn't paying attention when he was at his peak or prime.

However these other people that pine over these stupid ass celebrities who make shit up to get the spotlight... Those people I don't understand and they partially sicken me for giving so much mind to something so unimportant.

News flash: whether you believe me or not - most of it is fake. Most of it is staged. Staged so that these stupid ass celebrities will gain recognition for appearing to be outrageous and original to stay relevant on peoples lips and tongues.

"Oh yeah how do you know?" Well if I said I knew people I. The entertainment industry that have worked with these celebrities directly would you believe me? It's true whether you believe me or not. These people tell me about conversations they have had with people like Kesha. I have heard so many stories about behind the scenes from people in the know about big television events.

So all of the crap that sheeple pine over is mostly fake. Just like wrestling.

Go read a fucking book. Create something. Amuse yourself by day dreaming. Stop being so reliant on the idiot box and the idiots on the idiot box for entertainment.

Banter

I am currently very depressed. I am pretty sure it is because of money - I don't know how to stop thinking about it. I have gotten a little better. I keep reminding myself that in the future I should be good to go with paying down my loans and what not - I just need to be patient. I need to stop dwelling on it and it might be over sooner than I think.

Still it is fun to think about winning the lottery or getting a significant bonus or raise. If I could just have about 100K lump sum after taxes I would be pretty good right now.

I would pay off my debts of 13K, 14K and 14K, then I would fix up my house. Currently I need to fix my fascia board, then get gutters installed. Then I need to get concrete poured in my front yard where my patio is. The fucking idiot we bought from fucked up his ingenious installation. He laid engineered wood on top of wooden posts directly on the ground. The amount of rot that is happening is disgusting. I pulled up 1 board to take a look and there were big yellow parasols mushrooms growing underneath.

So that's gotta go.

The good news is that I have been able to focus more on software as of late. I made the decision to stop working on my house when I don't really have the money to do so.

This month has been tough. I really need to sit down and just work out that client software so I can get paid. I want more money, every Penney counts. Need to harass the sellers to pay me what they owe me.

Psuedophedrine

I have been off of psuedophedrine now for several months (I think?) and I have been pretty depressed on and off. I finally realized that in order for me to get projects done I need to buckle down as soon as I get home. I play a game for about an hour or two then I go to town on coding.

I have been really depressed as of late and it is all due to money. Money has got me down. Down with house repairs, down with bills, down with a lot of things money related.

I have been thinking about it carefully and I am going to have to just suck it up and get my shit paid off when I can. I need to not spend money. I am in panic mode so that shouldn't be a problem. I hate being in panic mode, but I am panicked.

Things of worry:
13K loan
14K loan
14K lease (buy out amount)
------------------
All add up to 500+ dollars per month in bills

I am only accumulating about a grand per month in savings which fucking blows. My living costs are going up significantly due to Obamacare.

I need to offload my loans somehow to get back some of that monthly...

In the Shit

Wife got laid off and now it is the dreaded fear of not being able to make ends meet. This is one of those hope for the best situations. It could all go out of control, but we will see. I am not going to be happy about losing more money, but fuck it - we have to do what we have to do. She is going to do her thing and hopefully it will go well.

I am just in fear of moving backwards again. I really really want to pay off my fucking loans, tired of not being able to take advantage of my full income. I feel like it is all being ceased. Same with my car loan - need to buy out my car Goddamnit. I don't regret getting into my car lease, but again tired of paying for it.

I wouldn't care as much if I didn't have my student loans.

Dealing with $500 of loss every month. Like fuck me man.

I will be happy to be done with it when I get there. Something's gotta give here.

I feel like crawling under a rock and not coming out again until it all goes away. I am sure I would die first.

Writing on the wall

Sometimes people don't see the writing on the wall and I have no clue how. It is interesting because I think most of the time it is because people are ignoring the the writing willfully. I think they want to stay ignorant because the whole ostrich syndrome or ignorance is bliss bullshit. Well I have ignored it before and each time I ignore it I regret it.

I ignored it when I got laid off the first time because I didn't want to believe I was going to get laid off, but I sure did. We were told "No more layoffs" then 2 weeks later I got laid off because I was to be hired. What am I needed for I was too new. So naturally it makes sense for me to be laid off. That's what I mean by the writing is on the wall, it's fucking obvious.

People need to wake up and start being real. Optimists don't get anywhere in life in my opinion. If you are always hoping and wishing for the best then you probably aren't going anywhere fast. I hate being called negative, I am a realist. I believe in practicality. I don't believe in hoping for things to happen I make them fucking happen. That's why I am employed and I make good money. That's why I have raised my salary 100% since 2008. I don't think many people can say that. You need to take charge, things don't get done on their own.

So if you have a gut feeling about something then you should probably pay the fuck attention. Your gut is talking to you.

Homeownership for others

I have said it before and I will say it again. If you do not know what it takes to be a homeowner and you are not open to problems then you should not be a homeowner.

One of my friends just bought a house. I think he fucked up in his choice of house, but meh... Not my problem. I got 99 problems and his aren't any of them. He bought expensive, he is assuming too much about his future wages, he has a car bill, student loans and other shit I am sure. Now he is stressing about making changes to his house. Example 1 his bathroom was not water proofed. That in itself is a big fucking deal. He has other problems, but none compare to this. Luckily his pops is going to replace his staircase for him. Not everyone's pops will drop 10K on the spot like that so he is lucky.

I am giving it time, and I hope he understands the gravity of the situation, but I do think he will turn around. He has surprised me before and I am sure he will surprise me again.

Homeownership is not for the weak willed, weak stomached or the optimist. It is for people who can deal with a challenge and love fixing a problem. It is for skeptics and realists. Being realistic about a home situation is very important. If you think you need to replace something it is because you probably have to.

Homeownership is not for people who will bury their heads in the ground to avoid a problem. It is not for people who think "It's probably not that bad"

I always assume the worst and I hope for the best so I can be pleasantly surprised when it does work out and not surprised when it is bad or worse.

Optimists suck

Money Money Money

I am so fucked this month it isn't even funny. All the shit I have to pay for is piling up. I need to start doing side work for people again so I can get some booster checks.

I might be promoted at my job soon. I am not holding my breath but two people have told me about it already so there is a 95% chance I will be getting a promotion that I really hope comes with a raise. The raise that I need to cover the cost of living that I am dealing with.

I am going to get hosed for so much more next month and it makes me sad. It feels bleak. My fucking insurance is going up to $112 per month which is highway robbery for the quality of insurance that I am getting. It is laughably poor coverage. Not as poor as my wife's Obamacare coverage which is probably the shittiest plan I have ever seen. High deductible bullshit for 140 a month or whatever it is. Whoopty fucking doo. That is bad health insurance. Piss poor coverage with a deductible of 5 or 6K which is very high for a 140/month plan.

I am also paying for dental... Sigh... I will probably opt out next year if I keep up with my maintenance. That's 60/month. Covering my wife and I. She offered to pay me which I am taking but wish I didn't have to do.

Then there is a 401K which i will not take advantage of again because I am fucking poor. Too many goddamn bills.

When I drop my car payments and my loan payments I will have 500+ dollars back in my pocket every month. I will then get a 401K and invest in my retirement.

I will help pay my wife's student loans down. Then I will pay down the house.

Day in day out bullshit

I am tired of not having enough money to take care of the problems that follow me around. It is always one thing after another. Had to get my teeth looked at, that's always fun. Turns out that I needed a deep cleaning and that I have gum disease. The funny part is that sounds worse than it is. Gum disease isn't a big deal, it is an easy problem to solve. The people who need to worry are the people who don't treat it. That's when you risk losing teeth. I am not that bad, I just have a few 5mm pockets that I am working on fixing.

The shitty part is paying for it. I just paid 250 dollars for just one side of the cleaning. The other half is just as bad I think and I have one cavity. So I am going to be well over 500 dollars this month on dental alone. Yay.

Then I have my car maintenance and the remainder of another job that I had to pay off. So I am in the hole about 1400 this month already. Last month was bad enough. I need to restrict spending to as close to zero as possible this month.

It will take an entire year to save up to pay off one student loan. It is killing me. I want to get rid if this shit so badly. I am going to purchase my car too because I don't want car payments anymore. I want my fucking money back.

After all of that is done I will then pay into a 401K. I hate 401Ks I think they are awful and a losing strategy.

Putting your feet in your mouth one leg at a time

I am not perfect, I never claimed to be and one things I have made abundantly clear is that I will sometimes contradict myself. This can happen because I have either learned something I didn't know before or my opinions have changed due to growing, learning and gaining experience.

So I have put my foot in my mouth. Let me say I now understand what is going on with Obama Care with respect to me and my company. I don't like Obama Care and I wish it to be repealed because it is making my life miserable. My benefits already sucked, but Obama Care made it worse.

My health insurance costs through my company have been raised by 100%. Oh yay... If I wanted my wife on my plan then I would pay triple the amount I would pay on my own. My wife's plan was a lot better...then she got laid off recently. Long story short her retarded company decided that using paper to conduct their studies made more sense than electronically storing the information in a database. All because their India facilities said so. Fuck India. One more strike against India.

So I signed up for the US Healthcare site and let me start off by saying if the pricing found on this site are supposed to be good, then I don't want to see bad. All of the affordable plans are high deductible plans which cover shit. They offer a $156/month plan that is high deductible. The deductible is $5,000 dollars. Wow what a fucking deal.

So yeah I will say fuck you Obama care you suck and I wish this had never been implemented.

I still blame companies for not helping, but in all reality who wants this kind of bill?

This bullshit is horrible and needs to be dropped.

I had individual healthcare before and I paid $109/month. So what the fuck? It wasn't high deductible either.

Hypocrisy and Double Standards

The issue of how women dress and people raping women when they dress provocatively made me think of something ironic.

Let's establish the obvious:
It is not okay to rape women just because they dress like dirty whores sometimes. They weren't trying to get your attention they wanted the other guys attention, you know because that is obvious... And shame on you for looking.

...but seriously regardless of the clothes and mixed signals rape is not okay in any circumstance. That is painfully obvious.

Now if that is the case why do under cover cops dress up like provocative hookers to entrap people in a prostitution stings?

Abusing our privilege a little? Men are told not to objectify women and lust after them even though they can dress like whores sometimes, yet the police use this exact tactic because they know it will work in order to execute a sting...

That is a double standard and it is ironic.

This leads me to my point, men are animals, just like women are animals. So why are we telling men not to act like animals when women do?

Is rape okay? No, but women dressing like whores is just as uncomfortable for men.

Thought that was a fun contrast.

Insurance and Obama Care

I have been getting a lot of mixed reviews from people regarding Obama Care. Some good some bad. I don't care about the good reviews because well let's face it, if you are happy about what you got that's the end of that discussion. If someone feels like they got jibbed then that's entirely different.

The main problem here is understanding and a lack there of. Plenty of Americans have about two brain cells and the attention span of a humming bird when it comes to thick political crap and especially insurance. I don't even understand this crap for the most part, but at least I get the gist if it all.

So the people that are complaining about this either are biased and want to see this fail because they are mean spirited and don't want people to have insurance because they are republican or tea party or whatever... Or they are just too ignorant to understand the big picture.

The big picture is that if your insurance was not compliant then your plan has been discontinued. For example pre existing conditions. Those are no longer legal. Therefore if your plan supported that your plan has been eliminated. Your insurance company should have given you an updated plan with a seamless transition. If they failed to do so then your company is incompetent and you should be glad they are gone. Go get a new fucking plan from the us exchange as provided by Obama care.

People who are saying that companies are laying off employees and cutting peoples hours to half time in order to dodge giving them health insurance. Those companies are not good companies are they? If you don't know the answer the answer is no. They are bad companies. Such as Macy's who is 100% guilty of this practice. If you don't like it then boycott them. This is their fucking fault not the governments fault.

The government is trying to give everyone a chance at health care without intervening and providing a public plan. Really the government should go hostile and take over all healthcare company is since they can't fucking behave. Same with doctor practices and hospitals.

Health is not something that should be profited on. This is not a goddamn joke or game. Telling people they are not covered is not fair. What fucking price does it take to be goddamn fully  covered? Why isn't that universal? What the hell is wrong with people and these goddamn companies?

So the point is, don't sympathize with doctors, hospitals and insurance companies they are the problem. Government is just trying to make your access to their shitty coverage easier. They are removing unfair conditions from policies. That's a positive thing.

Don't like your plan? Now you can do something about it.

The Dentist

Went to the dentist. Sigh... As expected I have many problems I didn't expect to deal with completely. So now I am paying for it. It is my own fault, but it still sucks. So I have gum disease which sounds worse than it actually is. Everyone has the bacteria in their mouth that causes gum disease. Some people have a higher resistance to it than others. Then there are people like me who have a poor resistance to it. I wasn't doing the best to take care of my teeth but no one does. I brush once at night before bed because logically why bother any other part if the day. If you are awake and using your mouth then why brush?

Like brushing in the morning. If you are going to eat breakfast then why brush your teeth? Makes more sense to brush after every meal.

So for me it is the inevitable. I have gum disease because I am genetically prone to it. My mother had it and she has pretty bad teeth. I have it and my teeth aren't nearly as bad as hers. I hate this dental stuff... It sucks.

So I will brush more often now. I have no choice I have bone loss in my jaw from the disease from neglect.

Dying in your Sleep

So it is confirmed I have sleep apnea. I finally got a sleep study done and that is the result. I am not surprised in the very least because I have known for a long time now I just didn't have proof because insurance is retarded. Especially Aetna, fuck Aetna.

I wake up 12 times an hour while i am sleeping. That means i am having 12 apnea events an hour. Which means I stop breathing 12 times an hour. I only absorb about 87% of the oxygen I take in. That's bad because the norm is 90% to 95%. So I am going to be using a CPAP machine to fix everything up, but I have to go for another sleep study which will be a titration sleep study. They will determine what they need to set the machine to.

I need surgery. Plain and simple. I keep fucking telling these doctors I need surgery and they want to give me drugs. I don't fucking want drugs I will be slave to for the rest of my life. I want surgery to fix the fucking problem. I have an obstructed airway. Namely through my fucking nose which is stopped up all of the time because of allergies. Fuck the human body. Worthlessly designed crap.

I have been pretty goddamn depressed lately and I am waiting to come out of the funk. Been in the funk for about 2 weeks now. I am tired of it. Feeling very insecure and just sad about being depressed which makes me more depressed.

I want to do something. I want to build something awesome and sell it and I think I will do that soon. I just need to get out of this fucking funk.

NIN and Gary Numan

Wow. The Tension 2013 show was nothing short of incredible. I had an amazing time and it looks like Trent is in a better place now. He seemed much happier to me in this tour as the last time I saw him (Lights in the Sky) was not as good as this tour was. The performance was amazing.

NIN

Going to see NIN right now. I am excited. One year I will have box seats.

Thierry Guetta aka Mr. Brainwash

 

So I watched a documentary that caught my eye because it featured Banksy who I admire very much. It is called "Exit Through the Gift Shop". I love his art, I think he is very talented and I am jealous. This rant isn't about him though it is about this monster that he partially created named "Thierry Guetta aka Mister Brainwash". I already disliked Andy Warhol and I was glad he was gone, but now this Thierry guy has taken his lame ass place in my opinion. This man is an egotistical, arrogant, irresponsible, self absorbed prick. I have every right to make that observation by pointing out that he is more than okay with ignoring his familial responsibilities. This douche bag decides his calling has found him so fuck his families well being; he found something he likes while his wife stays at home raising their children alone.

That's just the tip of the iceberg. I think this man is insulting to the street art community because he has introduced commercial mass produced shitty unoriginal art to the world like Brito has done. Brito sucks, his third grader art is ugly and boring and only appeals to lame ass hipsters who wouldn't know a good piece of art if they walked right into it. The only reason he is even popular is because he is Cuban and of course all of the Cubans in South Florida have to eat that shit up because since he made it big, they feel like they made it big. Keep your blotchy paint globs of color mass. His artistic abilities are on the level of that of an autistic child running amok over a canvas with open paint cans tied to his underwear. Sure it's art, but it is shitty art. If I paint with my non-dominant limb I could make shitty art too.

This schmuck has taken something that is basically sacred to most artists and exploited and abused his privileges of knowing some of the best damn street artists that exist today. He is a living breathing mockery of what those other artists strive to be and they pour themselves into their work, whereas he is taking stock images, paying people to alter them with Photoshop and selling them for absurd amounts. Fucking absurd. It isn't art to him it is a business. He is on camera admitting that he is just making up prices when he is talking to art dealers and he mocks them on camera after getting off the phone with them. He knows he is a fraud, but hipsters are making him famous just like the iPhone was famous for being an overpriced piece of shit. Have you noticed that ever since Jobs died the fucking iPhone has now become more usable? They stole the best qualities from other phones and put it into their interface.

Thierry Guetta used Banksy and Shepard Fairey's fame, and rode their coat tails to recognition. They both regret it now obviously, as their disdain and regret for the man is all too obvious when watching them on this film. This guy is a crook at best, he is unoriginal and insulting. Fuck you Mr. Brainwash, you suck and you should be ashamed of yourself.

the shielded fools

The times that I have traveled to other states and on cruises to other countries and lands I have constantly encountered the same type of fools. Every time I go somewhere I can count on finding american Midwesterners who always are either incredibly ignorant or very agreeable. What both groups have in common is having been deprived of coastal common activities. Since they all usually live in religious areas; enjoying themselves is out of the question usually. Therefore when they travel to the tropics or to places of gambling they over indulge in drink, the aquatics and the gambling. It is annoying to hear and watch them do it but it is for the most part not their fault. I do still find them annoying though. I dislike how coastal activities are considered some strange form of rarity and obscurity to them. It's their parents' and community leaders fault for keeping them so ignorant. Which is why when they finally get to their coastal activities they go a little crazy.

The people I find the least tolerable are the ones that are inebriated for the entire duration of their trip. The people I like even less are the people who are stuck up obnoxious yuppy assholes that are drunk for the entire trip. Annoying. I don't like hearing them talk like they are so much better than everyone else around them. I think probably the most annoying is hearing yuppies talk about how they have a nicer wine collection at home with respect to what is currently available to them.

Then there are the old coots. The people that are so goddamn decrepit they should be dead already but decide "Nope I must go on this cruise to annoy everyone with my super slow speed and my required nursing attention everywhere." I'm fine with them doing as they please but not at the fucking cost of my comfort and convenience. I am on vacation too, so go die slowly elsewhere. Invalid people should not be allowed on excursions or activities that are obviously a bad idea for them to be on. Lengthy walks or anything that requires endurance or a teeny bit of strength that their old fucking bodies obviously do not have.

Anyhow my whole point is that old people suck and people who have been censored for most of their lives are like children and easily offended because of their lack of exposure. I like being desentized and I think everyone should be because it makes us more tolerable of everything. This is not a bad thing. The only time it isn't good is sexually in my opinion because it can become unhealthy. As long as people are logical we don't require censorship and at that point things like alcohol, beaches and gambling won't be so goddamn impressive.

My Kind of Celebrities

So I am in Vegas right now and I was having breakfast, then I turned my head to the right for a moment and I saw someone I admire very much eating breakfast as well. I had to do a double take. I was in utter shock and disbelief. I was then faced with the usual situation that any considerate person is faced with: "Do I just accept that I have seen this person and keep it quiet or do I go over and interrupt his personal time with his wife so I can selfishly admire him out loud?" I decided not to bother him. I don't regret my decision, I wish I could have taken a photo with him or something, but it would have been inappropriate. I am sure he is tired of his notoriety by now, people smear his photos all over the place and invade his privacy enough. I am sure he wants to be left alone.

Anyhow, just wanted to mention it. This made my day.

The funny part is even if I said who it was, I am sure no one would really know him, but he is awesome. He got me through some hard times by making me laugh my ass off.

Vegas

Went to Vegas for business. The trip there was fucking horrible. Not because of the airline, which actually surprised the hell out of me, but because I have never been on a flight with so many douche bags per square inch before. There is/was a game for UM versus I don't give a shit; and for some strange reason this meant a crap load of people in their late thirties early forties all needed to have a reunion and go to said game in Vegas. Lucky me I happened to be on the same flight as the douche parade. They were loud, obnoxious, rude and intoxicated before they even got to the plane.

Apparently it is illegal to drink your alcohol that you brought on  to a plane. It is a Federal offense actually as they were informed by the flight attendant. They were warned repeatedly. This group of fucking morons decided they had to be as rowdy and loud as possible regardless of the other passengers. When they were told to stay seated they didn't. When they were told not to walk around, they walked around. When they were told not to form a line at the bathroom, they formed a line.

They hooted and hollered. They chanted UM to show their pride for their college. They chanted for one of their friends who is getting married. They wouldn't shut the fuck up and were more than okay with annoying everyone during the entire 5 hour flight.

I would have gladly executed each and everyone of them.

Finally we land.

Finally we get out of the plane. Before getting off the plane I exchange frustrations with the stewardesses and they told me they are actually cops on vacation.

This just furthers my proof that South Florida cops are the biggest douche bags when it comes to cops.

As we enter the terminal I was filled with joy to see the assholes who were warned repeatedly about their alcohol talking to some Las Vegas police. They were being questioned. This made me really happy to see.

Later going into the exit line for a Taxi I saw a spooky looking tribe of people. Ugly doesn't begin to describe this family. They cut the taxi line. A patrolling police officer told them to get the fuck out of the line and they have just lost their privileges for taxi. The ugly family retaliated by calling him a faggot. They along with others were thrown out because they cut the lines. I hate people and I hate cops, but I do love order and punishment to those who earned it.

This is a cool place.

Incompetent Project Partners

I have had the fortune and misfortune of working on a massive project at work. My side of things are done, but the people who asked for all of this to begin with are scrambling due to a lack of organization. The main culprit keeps saying he isn't technical enough so that is already a strike against himself. He isn't the right guy for the job for such a technical project. Then he has the balls to keep calling me on my cell and or desk phone and bother me about the project.

It is amusing because it doesn't affect me but this asshole is trying to drag me through the mud due to his short comings. You won't get far in my company doing that. So fuck him.

Brightway Insurance

This company sucks. They dropped the ball on my flood insurance coverage which is very annoying. I ended up with gap insurance due to their screw up. It put me through a lot if headache because I expected them to do their job. Well I was wrong apparently I am the only person on this planet who does his job when he is supposed to.

Long story short I worked around my insurance agent to get my insurance corrected because my agent sat on his hands instead of doing his job. It would have been fine if they would have communicated with me more often, but they left me in the dark and then claimed I never sent them the information they needed to get their job done. I sent then the notice I received four times. Every time I spoke to them about it they said they didn't get it from me. Fucking liars.

I'm not dead

I have been pretty good as of late. Nothing bothering me really and no time to complain I have been too busy. OK on to the first complaint next post.

Status

Been a while since I have made a peep. I have actually been doing okay as of late, no complaints from my end - the only thing that makes me kind of sad right now is a lack of money flow. I have positive pay and positive savings, but my bills each month have been high. Spending too much money, I have friends who apparently don't have other costs than shoving overpriced food and alcohol into their faces.

I'm glad they live a worry free life - as usual I do not. I have student debt to pay off, not everyone is so lucky to have stupid amounts of extra income pouring in each month from lucky housing investments or have me down properties. Or trust funds that your father setup for you while he was alive and a place to live that is rent free because it was given to you.

All that must be nice, but I don't have any of that and I have to work twice as hard because of it. I can't unconsciously have children they will strip me of everything I have because it isn't a lot to begin with. Other people seem to think it isn't a big deal, this coming from people who make 200K combined per year or more, can't forget those hand me down income properties. Or parents who can take care of themselves and aren't constantly in some kind of need.

I just want to pay off my student debt... I need that debt off my ass so I can relax.

sleep

I wish I could sleep right now... If these memories would stop running I would be able to sleep.

The Injustice of Offensive Actions

I 100% hate people who have no respect for others. I have no respect for those people myself. Anyone who thinks they are above others for stupid and menial reasons. I hate people who feel entitled just because they are alive. I hate liars. I hate two faced assholes. I hate people who get away with being offensive for poor reasons. I hate people who are allowed to mouth off and they are in the wrong. These people should all be dead.

I understand the concept of freedom of speech, which I have clearly noted as tolerated speech, but people in general are not careful enough with the things they say out loud. I say all of my offensive things around company that will understand me or just to myself in this blog. I do my absolute best to avoid confrontation because it is dangerous. With all of the cocky mother fuckers out there that think they can fight anyone they want, over anything they want, its better not to perpetuate the violence. It is dangerous for both sides, death could occur easily and then there is jail time regardless of who was right and wrong.

Sadly the fucking country we live in right now makes it okay for any stupid mother fucker to say what ever the fuck they want in any manor they want to any I individual for any reason. The person receiving the verbal abusement is expected to be the "bigger person" and just shut up and take it. They are expected to just "turn the other cheek". This means there is no expected consequence for being a total piece of shit to other people. Even though there are those people who are quick witted and can retort easily, that is not natural for everyone. Some people have the ability to maintain composure during a violent argument, but others like myself don't stand a chance.

People like me see blood red when they are insulted or wronged for poor reasons. My brain shuts off, I start to tremble, my blood pressure rises and I get very angry. I can't construct sentences, but I do know how to beat the living shit out of someone or at least try.

I want to kill those people. I don't mean that figuratively I mean that literally. The only thing that stops me from doing it is going to jail.

If it weren't for the laws that protect society's trolls and for the law enforcement I probably would have killed at least 5 people by now. Each one of those people have wronged me by hurting my feelings just because they could. The amount of embarrassment they put on me, that now haunts me for the rest of my life, is almost unbearable. They should pay with their blood. I think I have PTSD because I cannot stop reliving those events.

I can't walk into a movie theater anymore without thinking about the fucking cunt rag who yelled at me for talking during movie commercials. Not the fucking movie, the fucking commercials before the movie. Why? Why is it okay for her to embarrass the shit out of me and I am not able to retaliate? First off she shouldn't have done that to me. Secondly it is very obvious that she doesn't care how this affected me so why should I care if I were to strangle her to death? For one she would pay for her crime against me and two we would be rid of one more asshole. The world is already full of assholes, we don't need more.

The most recent offense was the douche bag Cuban macho man asshole I had the displeasure of being threatened with death because he wouldn't own up to the fact that he clearly scratched my friend car. He lied blatantly. I told him to go fuck himself as he drove off, he stopped the car, got out and threatened to kill me and my friends. Someone like that deserves to die. Again, if I wouldn't go to jail I would have taken my knife out and stuck it into this mother fucker's stomach and made his fucking wife and kids watch as he bled to death. He earned it.

If I was the cosmic being death, I would be doing a much better job of killing the right people.

If I was god (if there was a god), I would punish people correctly. Your god sucks at his job.

If I had a death note, I would create a very similar world to that of what Light Yagami created.

If I was allowed to be a benevolent dictator, I would kill a lot of people.

I want to be judge and jury. I know what is right and wrong. I have a very low tolerance for shitty people. The trolls of the world would be hunted down and killed.

I don't care what people think of this.

Let's just say that so long as the money and good times are flowing I will behave. The moment any of that changes I might lose my last shred of restraint and I will gladly go down a path of self destruction GTA3 style.

I hate people. When I attain a proper amount of wealth I will try to help people, but I will turn away the scum bags.

Failure

I know it's definitely not the case, but I feel like a huge failure sometimes. I made the mistake of going on to linkedin last night to update a few things and I had the opportunity to click on the profile of an old classmate from college. I didn't particularly like this guy he was kind of a self centered prick. We will call him Bob. Bob, although I didn't know him very well, seemed to me only to look out for Bob. However Bob was very intelligent, there is no discounting that. It just kills me years later to see how many engineering firms Bob has worked in since we have left college. Bob has been doing very well from what I can see and I am jealous and envious of him.

I feel bad for being upset about it because he earned it. It was not handed to him. He also had jack shit holding him back. He gave two shits about his family from what it seems (I spoke to him about it a few times), so leaving home to go to another state was not a problem for him.

It pisses me off I was never given that opportunity. My piece of shit sister left my mom and I without a second thought. Fucking worthless piece if crap. Went to get a nursing degree she is now sitting on doing JACK SHIT with. Fucking idiot. All the education she got and she is using none of it. I hate that so much.

Anyhow... I would have liked to at least once work as an engineer. I will do it on my own though. I don't need a company to nurture me. I will struggle on my own to figure it all out.

Post

I have hit my wall recently. I am back in a depression again. I don't have the energy to do much if anything and I have been having a hard time waking up. I feel like 100% shit most of the time. I need to go get that fucking sleep study done so I can learn what I know already about myself. I have sleep apnea and I cannot breath well due to my fucking allergies. All of these things mixed together really don't help. I wake up feeling very drowsy and like someone drugged me. I can't sleep enough to get the rest I need because I can't breath.

Anyhow... here is the task run down
Shutters are in the works
Gutters
Student debt
Professional projects

I am getting back on the professional projects horse whether it kills me or not. I need to get something done.

Parental Hypocrisy

I don't like it when my mother decides to give me shit for not visiting or calling regularly. Parents are full of crap because they don't do that shit with their parents either. My mom really thinks I sit on my ass all day and it is fucking annoying. She thinks i intentionally don't call or visit because I don't care. I am busy and she doesn't understand how much either.

Partitions

I have been stupidly busy with work and my new home. I have had almost no time to sit down and think, when I get home I am wiped out. I am too tired to do anything or learn anything new. I am going to put a stop to that soon though. I need to get back up on the project horse. I need to find a way to organize all of my thoughts and projects into a special way. That way I give myself tasks to do and I don't forget what needs to be done.

I need to take action.

woah

I have been so busy as of late that I haven't had a chance in many weeks to post. All kinds of stuff has been happening to me lately. I can say it is all good actually. This is the happiest I have been in a very long time. I am glad that I am living in a home where I am the boss for the most part, as soon as I finish with outside modifications I will decide on what I am doing inside the house and that does not concern the association in the least. They can go fuck themselves.

The next home I get will be a free standing single family house. No fucking associations to cock block my endeavors or to give me permission to do work on my own home. I do not like that in the least. I hate asking then if the type of shutters that I can get on my home are permissible. How about go fuck yourself. Then they don't want to answer questions either.

So here is the new plan for me:
Shutters
Re-adjust my insurance based on wind mitigation
Change AC IFF necessary
Pay down student debt aggressively

If I can pay down my student debt, I will benefit from that tremendously. I will have 300 dollars per month back in my fucking pocket which will go straight into savings. And in all reality back into the house.

My home requires a lot of work. All work I am willing to do too. I like working on my house it is fun.

Transitions

I am back in my old company and I love it. I haven't been this happy in a while. I love a healthy work environment. I like the people I am working with and I like the stuff I am working on. It has been an interesting time being re-integrated into this work place. The one problem that was holding us all back is gone now and far far away from us.

This company has a fucking future now. I am willing to put a lot of my sweat and blood into this company. I like working here very much and I want to keep it that way. We are still going through growing pains but I believe we will make it.

Selfishness at the Starbucks

I don't understand where people get off bringing dogs in doors. Forget about people with phobias of dogs or dog allergies, fuck them right you have a dog. You can't leave your show dog outside no one will have something to say about your obnoxious obsession that you have to force on everyone. You are older now, your kids are out of the house and the husband you married hates you. You only stayed together for the sake of your shitty kids.

So now you fill the void in your life with this dog so you can get the attention you crave at home from strangers in a starbucks. Yes this is a constructive use of your time. You fucking old white wrinkled waste of space.

All too often do I see this stupid stereotype and it pisses me off. All the fucking free time these stupid house wives have at their finger tips after they become empty nesters and what do they do with it? They fucking squander it. They waste their time with vanity and material possessions to show off to strangers to show them that they are still alive. That they still exist. Its stupid and sad that they can't think outside of their box.

Go donate your fucking time at a school. Help kids with math and reading. Don't waste your free time with these stupidities. However, chances are it is too late for them, their minds are empty like a balloon. Fucking stupid old people, usually women. Not to sound sexist, but more often than not it is a woman spending her husband's retirement money especially after he dies. These women are a generation that probably will cease to exist eventually.

Fuck people who don't use their free time more appropriately.

Goals

I am refocusing my energy and thoughts on my house. As of right now there are a few things that need to be done sooner rather than later.

I need to get shutters or hurricane impact glass installed. This is P1. Big time P1 because I need to be ready for that shit just in case we get a hurricane. This is going to be expensive period.

I need an electrician to inspect a few things for me. The electrical panel needs to be replaced along with the breakers. I have several lights that don't function and we need new openings made for new lighting.

The next big thing is where do we get the money for these two priorities?

Next issue is I need a new A/C to be installed, that's going to cost me for sure.

Tadaaahhhh

As I have predicted and wrote about somewhere in this blog of hate and chaos; I was right. I was right about everything. I was right about my company needing to fire that idiot of a boss I had at my old job. I was right that they would contact me and hire me back one day. I am going back to the same company for the third time because I am that good or maybe just stupid.

I hope that everything runs smoothly when I get there and that I can help revolutionize our program. I see great things happening there and I feel that I can grow at that company in leaps and bounds. I got a raise again. I am coming in at 80K which is excellent for the time being. I will earn more when the time comes.

I have been going against the fucking grain for a long time now and it is because people have told me I can't do things or I am making a mistake. Well I have proved them wrong time and time again.

This is another major victory for me and my future empire.

Goals:
Pay off student debt
Pay off home
Child?

Costs:
Shutters
A/C
Electrical work
Plumbing
Bathroom remodel
Repair deck

Projects
Not going to list them, there are 3

I am fucking amped and ready to go.

blather

My sister keeps contacting me repeatedly and I keep ignoring her. I hate my sister, I always have. She is just a miserable piece of shit and I am fairly certain that she is mentally ill. She lives in her own little world and refuses to come out of it. Anything that doesn't fit into her world she refuses or outright ignores. She has many pink elephants following her around and she ignores them all while they are cramped into any room she occupies.

I am the one puzzle piece in her life that doesn't fit into her weird and screwed up world so she is constantly trying to change me and I refuse and resist her constantly. Her most recent fuck up was at my wedding. She showed up even though she shouldn't have and think this was most apparent when she decided to sit like a pile of shit in the corner and sulk for the entire wedding. Then on her exit she ignored both me and my wife. She refused to be in the pictures and was just a general drag. She now pretends that none of that happened. More than that happened too, but I don't feel like bothering with how stupid it is.

Long story short I am ignoring her.

The Penguins with Guns

I hate motorcycle cops. I got another speeding ticket. Stupid fucking penguin cop hiding in the bushes got me and I had the fucking chance to make a U Turn to make a break for it, but who knows how much worse that would have made things. I hate these fucking smug assholes cops with a hard on to fuck everyone over.

I broke the law speeding and I accept that, but goddamn it - it's a stupid law to begin with. First off everyone was speeding already. They just chose me as the victim to be fucked over. I was passing a slow poke and they got me those pieces of shit. Those less than useful so called civil servants.

I already got my lawyer to handle this ticket again... this is the third fucking ticket I got in a 3 year span. Hate this shit. Speeding tickets are just revenue for the pigs to feed on, they can go to hell. I need to get a radar detector so I can save myself the money and trouble. I wish i could yell at the cops and give them a piece of my mind, but my first amendment right can be trampled on by the fucking pig asswipes. Go ahead and google what happens if you tell a cop to go fuck himself. They can arrest you for no reason because they can  claim disorderly conduct. So even though they are wrong they can make your life miserable by taking time out of your day and maybe even physically abusing you.

Fuck cops they are just failed graduates and rejects who only care about intimidation it feels like. Granted there are those who are nice and have a good moral compass but far and few on between. Lots of douche bags.

Sticking it to the man

So I am both very happy and very sad that I will be leaving my current job one more fucking time to move on to bigger and better things. I am happy because I wont have to deal with the douchbaggery of my current boss any longer. My drive to work will be five minutes and I wont dread going to work any longer.

I am sad because I am partially betraying my friend regarding employment. He gave me this job and now I am moving on for my own selfish interests. I am looking out for me. I will offer him an employment opportunity but it is up to him whether or not he gets it. I can only try to make amends.

Closing Lag and other Calamity

I love how I bent over backwards to get all of my fucking documentation in on time and in order so that I could meet my closing date, this mystical creature from the beyond, but I was then slapped in the face by my title company who for some fucking reason is behind the curve on my case/deal. Fucking annoying.

So now everything is chaotic and the people working to get this deal squared away are all pulling their fucking hair out. Meanwhile I have learned to stop giving a shit because I need to fucking move. I can't turn back.

Making things even cozier I got my goddamn offer letter finally so I can finally quit from this job.

Chaos.

Moving Target

So my fucking closing date has been shifted. It was supposed to be this Friday, but nope title company fucked that up because they are waiting on a goddamn bank. Probably the fuckers who are going to buy my goddamn loan. Fuck this shit.

I am so pissed off right now about the whole situation I could literally just scream out loud in frustration. I don't understand how there could be any fucking delay at this point totally fucking ridiculous. The lady I spoke to from the title company gives me a line of shit about why they are late and she implies it is my fault. That pissed me off even more. The shit they were complaining about is a month old so they don't have any room to complain or blame anyone except themselves.

I hate this shit. My Realtor isn't worried, but I am shitting my pants. We are moving regardless because this is a load of bullshit that we are waiting on these fucking people to do their goddamn job. I will be so relieved when all this is over. I will be happy to never have to deal with this bullshit again at least for 5 years or more. Why can't this shit just run smoothly why does it always have to be a fucking mess? To make matters worse I have to resign from my job soon and this is stalling that process.

Blather

I am really goddamn tired right now from this whole house experience. It is supposedly over this week. I fucking hope so because I am about get ass raped financially yet again. Fucking incredible. I have started over before, this won't be the first time. Now depending on the situation I might pay off the so called personal loan or 2nd mortgage from my own pocket.

I won't be happy about that, but fuck it I am investing my fucking money into this house so I can get on with my life. I am so goddamn tired of not being able to settle and be grounded.

I also have stopped collecting opinions from everyone regarding my situation because at the end of the day it is no one's business except my own. I have gone against the grain before and come out on top repeatedly. So fuck everyone else right now. This is about me and what I want. I will figure out how to pay off that other 15K. It may happen through a refinancing or maybe I just pay it off entirely.

Next order of business, pay down my fucking student loans once and for all.

I will do my fed loans first, then attack the private loans. Then accumulate as much funds as possible.

I am going to pull out the stops on this one and call bullshit on everyone else who thinks they know better right now. They don't know the situation and they don't know what's going on in my life right now. So fuck it all.

Packing

Omg packing. We have packed and packed and packed so much shit already. There is just and endless supply of junk in our house. It is maddening. We are lucky because we have free tape and boxes. That is one expense we don't have to worry about which is great.

My closing costs are going to be about 11K, I hope they are less. After paying that I owe these ass hat sellers another 15K. These people have been the most inconsiderate bunch I have ever dealt with. It is annoying.

More later...

Creeping Around

When changing jobs, the part I hate most is the creeping around part. I hate having to tip toe around the office and pretend I am going to be here in a few weeks. It is hard to handle. It is more emotionally difficult to do than anything else because if you have people you don't want to leave behind, the hardest part is keeping your mouth shut and not letting them in on your secret.

It is a big secret and should remain that way until you get your offer letter. Once you get your offer letter, then you can proceed with your resignation letter. That part sucks even if you hate your boss. It sucks because you can never tell them the truth. It is all lies all the time. You need to calmly tell your boss some line of bullshit about why you are leaving. They may counter you, but if you are truly unhappy at your do not accept that offer.

Only after you accept your new position and you resign from your old position should you ever reveal to your coworkers or mouthy friends that you are making that change. Fuck everyone else you need to protect yourself.

It is about getting the best deal for yourself. I was a lot happier with the system at my old job. I want to wake up and want to go to work.

Tips on your Job

I have been told by various people that the salary I have been looking for is too high or that I am dreaming if I want to find a place where my boss isn't a complete nightmare. To all those people I say fuck you. No, the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but what I have learned from all of my experience so far is that if you want to get the workable job then you have to try to make as much change yourself as possible.

I switched jobs and every time I did I got a raise. I am making exactly what I want now. I left my old job because I hated my boss, I changed that part of my life. Then unfortunately I moved to a job where my new boss is also a giant douche. I am changing jobs again so I can change my boss again. I just happen to be lucky that my old boss was fired and my old company wants me back.

My point is if you hate your boss or your job you can change it. Don't tell yourself that it is like that everywhere and don't tell yourself you don't deserve a certain pay when you do. Fuck everyone else and shoot for what you want.

Packing

Packing sucks. I get home from work and I pack. I wish it was a more desirable activity to perform. What I especially hate about packing is when you have a bunch of small stuff you don't know where to pack. What is also pretty stupid is packing everything up just to unpack it all over again in the span of two weeks.

Sigh... it will all be over soon.

Post

Freaking out a little because it is time to move on again. Moving living spaces and moving jobs one more time and hopefully the final time. I just want it all to be over already.

I have to pool my funds together, pack everything up, go to closing and then finally move. Then I have to quit which is going to be a chore within itself.

When all that is done. I need to clear a month, accumulate funds and then pay off the 15K fuck you fee. Then I will work on my student loans. Holy hell it is almost over...

Transition

I hope this is my final transition for at least 5 years. Moving around this much makes my fucking head spin. I am tired of going from job to job each year. Not my fault I am a hot commodity. In all these years of moving jobs I not once have asked to move to a job. Everyone has come to me to get me to come to them. This is the best possible situation for me each time, I am just going where the money is.

The benefits at this job are horrifically bad. The healthcare sucks, the 401K is a goddamn joke the vacation policy is stingy. I am going back because of the type of work and the people that are there. This place is going somewhere, I can see myself getting into a better position in the future.

It has been interesting journey thus far. I have worked hard to get here. I just need my life to settle already so I can start working on me.

Excited to get Scrood

I am excited to get screwed on this house deal all of a sudden. I can't wait for closing. I just need everything to fall into place so that I can move on with my life already.

Next steps:
Resign from this job
Start new job
Rebuild funds
Pay fuck you fee immediately
Rebuild funds
Pay federal loans completely off
Rebuild funds
Pay private loan completely
Rebuild funds
Get Retirement Under Control
Rebuild funds indefinitely
Kids?
If yes, lose everything again...

Crap on a Stick

The house deal I have entered is a crap on a stick deal. I am being force fed shit with this deal because the sellers are stingy greedy fucks. I am going along with said shit deal because I need a house. I don't WANT a house I fucking need one. I am being forced to pay the difference between the appraisal value and what the fucking sellers want which is a 15K fucking difference. Which holy shit is a lot. Everyone involved in the deal keeps calling it a loan, it is not a loan it is a fuck you fee. I am not being lent shit to close on the house I am being penalized for their home's lack of performance on the market and they are being sore losers.

So be it. I don't have a choice, I need the house and I don't want to do this ever again if possible. This shit sucks.

Broke and Angry

I am currently in the middle of a house purchase. The sellers are very stubborn and boorish. They have a fictional house value in their minds and they can't get it. I got them an appraisal and it came in super low. I got a second appraisal and it came in at just above what they got originally. I then signed an addendum stating that they would lower the price and that the contract is not contingent on appraisal. Only it still is because the language on the contract is crap.

Next they asked that I pay the difference between their asking price and the appraisal. I hate this idea passionately.

I got a new job offer and I can't move to it until this whole mess is finished with.

I am seeing this through to the end though.

I don't know whether I should stay or I should go.

Oh Well

I feel very guilty and bad about this whole deal. My friend made me promise that I wouldn't quit on him after a year. I said yes which was a lie because I cannot see the unforeseeable future. So shame on me but fuck this too. This place sucks and my current boss sucks. I don't like where I work because I am separated from everyone else and they take the liberty of assuming that I slack off and show up late all of the time.

My boss is a giant prick asshole most of the time. He tries to make up for it but throwing money at my coworker and I, and it works for a while to calm us down, but I am quite unhappy and my coworker is fucking miserable he just doesn't see it. He works too much, his schedule is terrible, under appreciated and he catches shit from our boss all of the time.

My boss is the biggest asshole I have ever had as a boss. He has literally told me he will not give me any documentation regarding what he wants in a project. He told my coworker and me on more than one occasion that we need to read his mind. Literally! Who does that?

His emails are unreadable and unintelligible. He starts his emails in the subject line and ends them in the body. They are short and aren't written well usually just filling me with confusion. He doesn't read my emails and won't respond to anything important then has the audacity to tell me I never sent him an email.

House Insanity

The sellers have finally pulled their heads out of their asses. They have finally committed themselves almost kind of. We are drafting up a plan for a personal loan from them. I am not crazy about any of that, but at this point I need to move forward it has become imperative. I need a place to settle so I don't lose my fucking mind.

The next strange and weird bit of news is I am going back to my old job for the third time. Life is strange. I am getting 80K to return. In one year I have increased my salary dramatically. I went from 52K to 70K to 75K to 80K, those are some nice jumps. I feel bad for my friend, I don't want to leave him but i need to do what is good for me.

I am going to try to convince him to move over.

Greedy People

More house drama... got the appraisal back for 165 and now I am waiting on the Sellers to make a goddamn decision since they are so indecisive and stingy. My lender wants to close in two weeks, which is awesome cause I want to close in two weeks. I need to start packing as soon as I get a fucking closing date. This whole thing is a goddamn nightmare. I really hope this all works out.

Goals

I can complain all I want, but ultimately I still have responsibilities that need to be taken care of and met.

The plan moving from today forward is getting this fucking house. I don't know how, but I have decided that I am getting this house one way or another. Fuck everything else.

I am going to save up my money again... recuperate funds and then attack my student loans.

When my student debt is killed off then I need to recuperate funds all over again.

I already have some things I need to do to the house after I get it. Renovate some of the rooms inside, I need to replace the A/C and I have to have shutters installed. All of these things are going to help me reduce costs. Replacing the A/C lowers the electrical bill. Installing shutters lowers the wind insurance.

When all of that is finished I will just recuperate funds like a stingy fuck.

I have to decide if I am going to keep leasing a car or if I will buy one to stop that monthly bill too. I just don't like the idea of the car taking a shit on me when I least expect it or want to deal with it.

My wife is going to owe me over 10K when I am finished with this house business. This of course is going to be conditional, because if she buys stuff for the house I deduct it from her debts at a discount.

Ho Hum

Did my taxes last night. All finished and fuck you back IRS my wife claimed a fuckton of things as a business expense because fuck you that's why. We were getting raped without doing that and she did operate at a loss this year. We just made it a gratuitous loss to push down some of those bogus ass taxes we were being charged.

Fuck you IRS for penalizing me for not having children or a house. They fuck me and I will fuck then right back with whatever tax loop hole I can find because none of this is fair to begin with. I support people avoiding the payment of taxes as long as it is within legal limits. This piece of shit government of ours doesn't deserve our tax money they just piss it all away on war and lining their own pockets.

Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Independents - none of it fucking matters they all play the same stupid fucking games. They pretend to care and then after they are elected they just fuck everyone anyhow. Broken promises and no morals. We are going to be in perpetual debt and war until this chaos is stopped.

Meanwhile these fucking blood suckers take away our money to fund everything we didn't ask for.

OMFG I Hate the IRS

Sooooo if you want to get married I strongly suggest you think twice about the type of tax situation you are entering. The American Tax system is geared to only benefit the Christian nation. It is only beneficial to people who have homes and children. I am trying to fix one of those problems right now, but the other I am avoiding like the fucking plague.

If you file married but separately you have just opened a can of worms the size of your head. You now no longer qualify for certain deductions or credits because the IRS hates you and wants you to have children and house debts. If you file jointly then your taxes also go ape shit because the fucking tax code makes no goddamn sense. To top off this turd sandwich you may pay a penalty for doing certain things.

I fucked up and I filled out my W-4 as married and I took two deductions because the goddamn worksheet told me to. I have learned to not trust this fucking sheet and claim 0 exemptions always. If you are married there is a box that says "Married, but treat me as single" which will just pull more fucking taxes out of you. Fuck I hate this system.

How about we just have a fucking system where there is one tax to rule them all. You pay a flat tax on all of your AGI.  Adjusted Gross Income. I think that would solve everything. It would have to be bracketed, but for fuck's sake, all of these goddamn rules and complexities can go away!

More IRS Woes

It turns out that when you file for an extension, that extension is only for you to make claims and to to file your paperwork, but does not mean you can pay what you owe in taxes later. You are still expected to pay taxes now, when they are due and no later.

Next order of bullshit. If you claim yourself as married on your W-4 form you are taxed at a lower rate. However you will be expected to pay the remainder of what you owe later, which sucks. This happened to me, I have two exemptions on my form which has put my taxes into a tailspin. I fucking owe 2,700 dollars in taxes. I am very unhappy about this, but there isn't much I can do about it.

I am going to see if I can get away with paying a minimum of some kind to buy me more time.

I hate the IRS and how stupid our tax code is.

More Corporate Bullshit

So my wife may soon be a casualty of bad business. In other words she may be getting laid off. She works for a company that does X, I can't reveal what she really does because I don't want to give away easy ways to identify myself or her. For context I will say she works in the medical industry. Anyhow, her company has been fucking up real bad for a while now, they haven't been paying their vendors and as a result have been losing contracts due to the bad news circulating. The share holders of the company fired the CEO and CFO and had the CEO replaced with a well known CEO who is praised to be a "cleaner", he can turn the company's frown upside down apparently. Unfortunately my wife has been dealing with the horrors of watching bad management decisions being made over and over again because the people running the show are morally inept and corrupt individuals. The result of all of these careless decisions and poor greedy decisions has equated into mass lay offs and pay cuts. She lost 20% of her pay and other employees were let go. I think they have lost 50% of their work force. Now the investors want to sue the previous CEO for what he did to the company. Apparently, even after the Audit - he was still absconding the financials. Apparently the same week he was fired the entire financial department quit, they knew what was up and they high tailed and ran. This whole fucking situation is ugly.

I am just concerned about the financial stability of my wife. She is obviously looking for a job, but holy shit this whole situation is fucked.

I will say it again - FUCK these corporate pieces of shit. They live on a different planet than we do, they think it is okay to fuck the masses over just because they have so much fucking money. What is this world coming to? There are so many problems in this world and shit like this doesn't help. I am starting to think it will make more sense to just start killing these corrupt CEOs if there were a good methodology of making sure they are indeed the guilty party instead of them planting a fall guy. Much like Ken Starr from Enron - he's not dead - that piece of shit is in hiding. The whole thing is a fucking lie.

I hate how there is no accountability in our society anymore. We live in a corporatocracy, there is no democracy, there is no freedom, there is no liberty. However - what are we to do? We need to make ends meet, so we just duck our heads and avert our eyes from what is going on. We are like a bunch of cartoon ostriches sticking our heads in the sand. If we don't see it, it isn't  there - but the giant elephant is indeed in the room.

Our country is going to erupt into war soon.

There is a limit to this madness.

The people who are suffering so much because their standards of living have been lowered are going to mobilize at one point and I don't think the FBI or CIA will be able to stop it. Unfortunately the formula here is much like one provided in South Park: Revolt -> ? -> Happiness

Honesty is the key here. All of the problems we are having are due to lies and dishonesty. The Dick Chenneys and Ruthless White Collar Businessmen of the world need to be murdered.

I wish George Carlin was still alive.

This World Scares Me

I am afraid of our society and just how goddamn stupid it is. The level of unawareness and naivety is incredible and rampant. Our current society as it stands is doomed to collapse on its current course. Unfortunately I don't see a way out of this without violence. There is going to be a a lot of death and destruction until we reach an equilibrium. The fighting I refer to is not with other nations, I refer to in-fighting. We are going to have a civil war soon in order to move this fucking country along. There is going to be two main factions, the haves and the have-nots. Some of the haves will fight along with the have-nots and possibly vice versa.

This is a scary time in our history. People are just too goddamn blind to see it. I always knew there was a problem, I just didn't find the pattern yet until watching those films. Now I am going to do some research to make sure I am on the right path.

We are an enslaved nation that is brainwashed into thinking we are free when in reality we don't realize how unfree we actually are. We don't have rights, we have toleration. This just drives me right back to my original inference, there are no freedoms, people don't like hearing the truth and people don't say what they mean. Everything is shrouded in bullshit.

We are all going to hell in a flaming hand basket.

Scary Realities

I have been watching a documentary series called Zeitgeist and it is about 95% compelling. I feel that it is mostly accurate, but needs to be double checked for consistency and accuracy.

I agree with most of what has been portrayed in the documentary because a very good portion of it are things I have heard, seen or read before. I have come to many of the conclusions on my own before even watching the film. I believe in the 911 conspiracy, specifically that the government did this to us in order to get us into war just like they have in the past. I believe that religion is a load of bunk because it is all historically repeated across different noninteracting civilizations who happened to all come up with the same bad ideas because they just didn't know any better. I have heard on more than one occasion that the federal reserve, IMF and world bank are out to basically enslave the planet through loaning everyone money they cannot repay. Our economy is a giant lie since it is rigged to always have inflation in it. Supply and demand are not real, especially since they are not operating as intended. We are running out of resources for everyone and the government is run by our largest corporations.

Essentially our nation, the USA is going to head into disaster soon because of the way we are allowing greedy corporations to run our government and in effect the whole country. We are doomed for economic collapse.

I predict that the citizens of this country are going to band together at one point and kill its heads of state and revolt at these grotesque companies.

Worry

I want a house for one reason and one reason alone. I want a place to settle, I want to live in my house and expand my projects, I want to pay it off completely and live rent free. I want this horrible sale to settle, I am tired of the hassle and I am tired of the greed. This whole experience has been pretty fucking terrible.

Unfortunately this whole experience got a lot worse too, I am currently engaging in some activity that I don't care for. The whole thing is unnecessary and shitty. The sellers are greedy and I am taking a huge risk with this one, bigger than last time. I really hope this second appraisal actually just fucking appraises finally. I am tired of negotiations, I don't want to hear from these people ever again.

I am trying to think of the future and I am trying to be positive. It sure is hard though after getting screwed so many times. Anyhow, I am looking to not move ever again, I am more worried about my retirement than anything else. Kids are an afterthought for me at this point. I don't think I want any, I want my goddamn free time and money.

Wells Fargo Fail

Wells Fargo has failed me as a lender, I will not be doing business with them again. Fuck Wells Fargo. They chose to use a shady appraiser and upon demanding a review the appraiser stuck to his guns and said that his appraisal is accurate.

Now my Realtor says that he anticipated this and has me setup with another broker all over again. I am going through underwriting AGAIN! I don't want to do this a second time, I hate this process and I don't feel that it is fair. So the only good news is that the seller has dropped the sales price to 180K which is far more reasonable than 195K and this new broker/lender I am dealing with, which will remain nameless, can get me a fucking conventional loan with a 3.5% down payment. So fuck you Wells Fargo and your goddamn 20% down bullshit which just forces me over to FHA.

I fucking hate this bullshit process and I have a new hatred for appraisers. They have a special place in my colon. Fuck you bastards for playing god with peoples' homeowners fate. I hate this shit. I just want it to be over with already and I don't want to deal with this ever again.

Kisses from the IRS

So apparently the IRS hates you if you get married. If you get married you can usually choose to file jointly, but if you decide to file separately then you forfeit any student loan interest and other things of that nature on your taxes. Therefore it is recommended to file jointly.

New problem. When you got married you probably filled out your W-4 form incorrectly or you never changed it. Single people normally have 2 exemptions on their form. If you are married you can have 2 but it is recommended to have zero to one. Let me be clear, I recommend that you have zero. In fact I am screwed this year because I claimed 2 and this was a mistake. I should have claimed 1 or 0. I want to claim 0, but then these bastards will take out more taxes than they already do from my paycheck. That isn't cool because I already pay too much.

I hate our tax system it is beyond stupid and overly complicated for poor reasons. Fuck you IRS.

Now I have to go to a tax accountant because I used Turbo Tax and it tells me that my wife and I owe about 8K which is a load of shit. I do not owe 8K that is bullshit, the government has taxed me to hell already and I refuse to pay more. So we are filing for an extension because we are still trying to get this house. I can't alter anything right now because it will screw with my credit or something.

The Vegan Religion

I keep watching vegan documentaries to get a better understanding of what it is that these vegans want everyone to do and frankly I have to say that vegans are a bunch of whiney vaginas. They need to stick a tampon in that bleeding heart of theirs because I feel as if their views on eating animals is offensive, presumptuous, pious, preachy and rude. These people take the argument of not eating meat beyond the scope of health and into the emotional realm. I think that is just creepy.

I have many friends who are vegan or vegetarian, my own mother is vegetarian, but none of them do it because they want to see a snot nosed calf keep its life. They all do it for monetary or health reasons. Meat is expensive, especially kosher meat and poultry which is 2 to 10 times the normal price with absolutely half the taste, and enough salt to end a British reign over India. Therefore fuck Vegans, I don't need to hear some asshole with multicolored hair telling me how tofu is better for me. Soybeans and Tofu are not that healthy for you and any real source of protein cannot be packed full of carbohydrates like beans. You cannot supplement your diet completely on plant proteins especially the overly processed kinds like tofu.

I have thyroid disease, I cannot have Tofu or Soybeans because of the estrogen levels. It is not good for people with Thyroid disease end of story. On top of that speaking from experience, I was vegetarian for a long time, about 6 years solid. I did it for monetary reasons only, because like I said before Kosher food is madly expensive. I felt very weak and hungry ALL off the time. I don't feel that this diet is good for everyone.

Fuck animals. I don't give a shit about how these animals are harvested, regardless of how they are treated they are going to die anyhow and become tasty meat morsels on my plate. Yes I have watched Food Inc. And many other documentaries describing the animals horrible torturous conditions, I don't care and I feel that EVERYONE should be forced to view how their food is prepared. Stop being so goddamn ignorant to the point where when you finally do see how your meet is harvested that you are disgusted. Stop insulting the lively hoods of those people who do this for a living. They are not bad people and butchering is an art form.

Don't be a vegan for any other reason than the fact that you want to live a healthier life. If you don't want to be a vegan, then stop eating so much meat, it is bad for you. Red meat is bad for you in mass quantity. Limit its consumption to once a week and only to the size of a deck of cards. The problem with Americans is they have no idea how to eat properly. Having both extremes is no good. Finding a baseline is appropriate.

So yes, fuck the vegan religion. No one cares so shut up. You and PeTA can go fuck in the corner.

Puppy Mills and Purebreds

Fuck people who get and support the puppy mill industry. This is a very stupid and selfish industry. The patrons are equally as selfish and stupid. Selfish because they won't give an animal in a shelter a goddamn chance, they want that purebred. They are stupid because they are spending a fortune on these animals and giving these industries the fuel they need for their fire to continue producing more and more purebreds. Frankly I don't give two white about producing purebreds because I don't think it is helping anyone I. The long run, it is simply encouraging selfishness and killing other animals in the process.

I don't give a shit if it is a guilty pleasure, I think people should be chastised for not saving an already living breathing suffering animal from a shelter where they could end up being destroyed. Honestly now what is the major difference between a purebred and an animal found in a shelter? Aside from the obvious physical differences, my point is they are just as good as any other. Therefore they should be given a chance before some asswipe decides to bring a new animal into this world just to sell them. This is a bad industry and should be stopped.

I am not a tree hugger, I don't give two shits about live stock, but I care about people making the right decision when it comes to getting a new pet. Don't purchase new pets, buy pets that don't have a home!

People are so irresponsible and especially when those people have never had to worry about where their next meal has had to come from, they are so casual about getting things they want and think they deserve it is disgusting. I hate that shit so much. I hate arguing with them about this shit too when they are obviously wrong and just want fulfill a selfish want. If they were at least honest with themselves then maybe it wouldn't be so annoying.

The IRS

I don't usually have a problem with the IRS or paying taxes. However I do have a VERY big problem with having to pay more taxes at the end of the year even after a shit ton of taxes has already been pulled from my paycheck. Not cool. My reasoning is simple, how the FUCK do I still owe taxes if I have already had taxes removed from my income?

I am talking about a very very simple filing too, nothing complicated. I have a W-2 form, I enter that shit into Turbo Tax and somehow I still owe taxes? That doesn't sound fair to me. The IRS has got to be fucking crazy. I am NOT rich, I make far below 6 figures and I have a fuck ton of taxes removed from my paycheck already. Once again, if they already took taxes out of my paycheck, then how do I fucking owe more taxes?

To complicate things a little more, I had to file jointly with my wife, because if you don't then you cannot claim student loan interest on your taxes among other things. I have already filled out my side of things which is two W-2 forms and a few pieces of investment information. I did the same thing for her and now we owe 3,000 dollars? I have no fucking clue how Turbo Tax estimated that or why.

I am really pissed off about it though and I might have to go to a tax accountant because of it too. I refuse to owe more taxes after having a shit ton of taxes already levied from my paycheck.

This is bullshit.

Chaotic State

Our government is failing us again. I can't believe this sequestration bullshit. I mean it is a great safety, but what the fuck guys. I wrote my congress woman and I wrote my senator. Neither of them replied to my concerns. I am going to start harassing their offices with phone calls soon. I want accountability from our elected officials who I will treat like employees since we elect them and therefore they work for us.

I simply asked my congressmen to put in place legislation that will punish them automatically for dropping the ball on very important deadlines. This bullshit infighting between the parties is no longer acceptable when it directly affects the masses due to their inability to lead. I hate our government and I have no faith in them doing the right thing ever.

As usual it seems like the only solution here is to have all of these bastards removed by force or by death in order to make any of this crap work.

I saw Zeitgeist the movie and I have to agree 100% with everything in that film. I totally agree and believe in the 911 conspiracy because there is too much proof of what actually happened out on the open internet in the form of news and video. People are blind as to what is happening as usual because they are happy watching their fucking honey boo boo bullshit on TV.

The masses are indeed asses.

Crossroads

I am at a new crossroad again, I am trying to close on a house. I may have a new job opportunity waiting for me at my old job place again. I am gearing up finally after years of waiting to pay off at least half of my student debt. I estimate that by the time all of the dust has settled in terms of jumping or moving around with all of these madly expensive things I will have enough to pay off a single students loan entirely.

It is exciting to think about, I won't be a slave anymore to one less debtor. I want to kill off my student debt by 2015 maximum. I don't want to think about it anymore after that. What worries me is the prospect of children. I don't want those potential new debts interfering with my existing old debts. It worries me.

The pattern I have had as of late is I store up enough savings then I lose half of it. I gain it all back plus half then lose half of it all again. This keeps happening in short spurts of time which is not cool. I want stability.

Vindication

So as I have foretold long ago the idiot boss I had at my last job has finally been fired. My boss's boss got mad and basically laid down the law and said that this guy has got to go. I have only been saying that for the last 4 fucking years. Finally these guys see it my way. I was right! Fucking a, as usual people don't want to hear the truth. I understand that it is never fun or nice to see people get fired, but fucking hell in this case the asshole hung himself. He was a fucking egotistical asshole because he was never wrong, everyone else was wrong and this fucking moron tried forcing his stupid philosophy on everyone else.

I hate that piece of shit so much. I am so happy he lost his job. Elated. Satisfied. Vindicated.

Now the next question is do I go back? Not sure yet.

House Buying and Patients

I don't have any patients for this house buying process, it is a fucking pain in the goddamn ass. I feel like I am trying to accomplish the impossible. These banks don't want to help anyone, they just try to trip you up as much as possible to see if you will give up early during you conquest.

Then there is the sellers... The sellers are greedy. They almost always are. In my case I am not greedy, I usually sell things to get them off my fucking back so I don't have to think about them. I don't sell at a loss unless it is an item that has depreciated in value which is about 99% of the items we buy already. Cars, books, games etc... They all depreciate. You paid for it so you could use it, as soon as you are finished with it or don't required its service anymore just fucking get rid of it. If you make some money great, if not who cares. I am happy if I get anything back usually.

I understand house appreciate and depreciate, but for fuck's sake. It is all artificial, it is all a lie. People are buying and selling fake-ness, these houses only have one value, physical value, the cost of development and that is it. I don't think houses should raise or fall in value ever. I think they should have one value and stay there. Houses are being treated like a stock in the stock market. It is a dangerous venture.

Buy a house to live in, don't buy it as an investment play thing.

The Corrupt and Crazy King

My coworker and I have to deal with a lot of bad shit coming from my boss often. I think I have it bad, then I see what my coworker has to deal with and I can see he has got it far worse sometimes. The poor guy has to do like 5 jobs and I honestly think it is all for naught. He gets the short end of the stick usually. He makes more than I do, but seriously not by much.

He has to deal with IT bullshit often in terms of users and in terms of behind the scenes hardware. He has to basically keep the infrastructure afloat which is very unfair to him because then he is expected to do development too. So my boss aside from literally telling the both of us to read his fucking mind has told my coworker that he need to do it all and do it on time or it is his ass.

Frankly I think my boss is full of shit. I think he is saying all that, but if my coworker quit this place would go under quickly. Then what? If they looked to me to pickup his slack I would tell them to go fuck themselves. If they want me to pickup his mess then give me a raise to 100K minimum. If not then I would gladly quit.

My boss is a nefarious character. I really don't like his tyrannical reign.

House Purchasing Chaos

I am very frustrated by this who fucking process because the seller's Realtor is being cavalier. We sent them a contract to just correct and their agent responded with - you first - after three fucking days of waiting! How inappropriate can you get?

So then there is my underwriter who botched one of my forms, the 4506T which is just a tax request form. She didn't put the correct city on the form then told me I had to call the IRS to get it sorted out - which is bullshit because I know my fucking address. Then after proving to her that she screwed up she apologized and corrected the form.

Absolute chaos today because this involves a lot of back and forth communication and just overall frustration.

I really hope this day gets better.

Blather

I am just reiterating for myself as usual.

I need to get this house.
Then I need shutters and additional things for the house although the shutters are p1.
I will then start hoarding my money and then start paying down my student debt like a bastard.

Once I get my student debt off my back, I may consider paying off my lease in full. I might just outright buy this car that I have and then turn around and sell it.

Finally after all that I will just hoard and hoard some more, while looking for an appropriate avenue or resting place for my money. I need to find a way to retire safely.

Not sure how I am going to pull that off yet, but I will figure it out.

The next thing I have to worry about are kids. I don't really want them, but it looks like I am going to have them anyhow...

The Housing Game

So I met with my Realtor this weekend and we discussed the conditions of this deal. Everything is looking rather peachy which is fantastic. I just find this whole process to be rather unfair and poorly put together. Especially from the lender's end. I have learned from all of this if you can buy a house cash, then that is what you should do. The lender does not have any incentive to lend you money, which is why the government gets involved and gives them security in return for lending money.

I hate this process and frankly I never want to do it again.

I would love to live mortgage free for the rest of my life. It just isn't fun to owe anyone money. My Realtor was urging me to barrow against the house when I build equity. I am 100% against this idea, because it is irresponsible and stupid. I just want some fucking stability.

Meh... I don't care anymore about this deal. If it goes through then great, if not then whatever. I don't care anymore. I am so tired of this process I just want a fucking answer.

Greed

I don't understand people regarding sales. I am a terrible businessman because I tell the truth. Businessmen always spin that by saying that they don't lie they just don't tell the whole truth. Or they only tell what they were prompted for. People who went through the housing bubble and participated in the greed fest piss me off. People like my mother who wouldn't sell because they thought they could get more, greedy people always think they can get more!

This current house sale is the same line of shit. The sellers want 195K which frankly I don't think they deserve. I think they deserve about 170K max because their home although it is in good condition, it is dated. The home appraised for 151K because the arse of an appraiser didn't do his job right on purpose.

Anyhow, let's say that we do a review, it is rejected and we get another appraisal done which comes back at the same or a little better but still far under 195K. Then I don't care who it is, no one in their right state of mind should pay more than something is actually worth. Therefore I hope these sellers can look past their greed, if they are going to be bitter about the reduction in price.

Anyone who has 44K in cash wouldn't be bidding on this house to begin with they would go get a nice condo.

Therefore I have deduced that this seller has been caught by the balls.

I am at 80% victory here.

Just need to clear underwriting and I need to clear the appraisal.

I am confident and not worried that we will be triumphant.

Vantage Point

So the housing situation isn't nearly as bleak as it seemed at the beginning of the week. The house under appraised by a fuck ton, but that isn't my fault and the other tid bit of news is the title for the house is not legally correct which too isn't my fault. So this is putting pressure on the seller to fix it whatever the fucking problem is.

Then there is the fact that since the house is under appraised if the review I am submitting isn't accepted then I have to get a second appraisal. If the house still doesn't appraise then the seller is fucked because their asking price is ludicrous. Which means they have to eat the reduction in price or sit on the house. I know that they are moving, so it is highly doubtful that they are just going to sit on it.

Taking this from a different angle, let's say someone came in and made a cash offer, why would they pay more than the appraisal value? Unless they are a stupid rich person who just wants the property because they do, this won't happen. No one would normally pay more for something than it is actually worth.

Ergo, the seller has way more to lose than me. They need this sale worse than I do so if they have to take a 44K cut, then so be it. Not my fault.